My husband and I have been together for 8 years. I’m not sure how to get him to understand my anxiety. Yesterday while driving a huge storm came through and it shot my anxiety through the roof. I was hyper focused on driving because I could barely see the road in front of me. (I was hit by another car a few years ago during a storm). We made it to the store but I was still feeling the anxiety so I was acting a little off, very indecisive and shy. I asked my husband to get a hose for me because a guy was working right where it was and I didn’t want to ask him to move. When we go to the checkout I remembered that I needed to get gift cards for work so while he was checking out I grabbed them. He was finished and waiting by the door as I checked out and of course the self check out was having issues. When I was done he looked at me and in a irritated tone said “what’d you do?” I took this as him implying I messed up the machine so I replied in a not an annoyed tone that I was just buying gift cards for work and didn’t do anything wrong. By the time we go to the car we were arguing about how I didn’t appreciate him being mean to me in the store and I felt he was bullying me for my anxiety. He then started to berate me in the parking lot with other people around about how I need to toughen up and he said he’s going to continue to treat me like that until I learn to not act like that. I was so embarrassed I just went and got into the car to which he said see there you go not dealing with your problems again. We continued to fight on the way home. I just don’t know how to make him understand that certain things trigger my anxiety and even when that thing is over it doesn’t just go away. This is the first time I’ve had it in awhile and I think that annoyed him because he thought “I was better”. Any advice for ways I can make him understand? He’s generally speaking kind to me and definitely isn’t quick to anger but this seems to make him very angry.
1 comment
I see two equally possible scenarios here:
1. He’s abusive and chose you because your insecurity and anxiety make you an easy and satisfying target. Look at [this](https://www.thehotline.org/resources/healthy-relationships/) to determine the overall health of your relationship and consider reading [this](https://archive.org/details/LundyWhyDoesHeDoThat) to better understand why he does that.
2. He’s been dealing with your anxiety and insecurity for eight years and you’ve taken no steps to deal with and treat them and he’s fed up. If that’s the case, (or even if it’s not) you need to take active steps to seek treatment for your anxiety because even if scenario #1 is the case, you’ll need to address your anxiety in order to enjoy a happy future.