My (30) partner (31) have been together for a year and a half. He is the type that would prefer to work, than to sit at home so most of the time he's got atleast 2 jobs, one through the week, and one at the weekend. It's always been this way since we started dating, although due to lack of staff at his week job, and with it being a busy period, it's busier now than ever. With this being said he has always made time to message me, call me and see me atleast once a week.
I saw him last week. He told me how bad it was at work, the trouble he's having with his suicidal friend aswell as family issues. He is working his arse off to the point where he is living to work. He is drained. This whole amalgamation I could tell from being with him for that day that it was taking a toll on him. This didn't effect out date though, we had such a great time and he initiated it, planned it and paid for it. It was a lovely day and nothing happened.
2 days after that he went silent. I haven't heard from him for 5 days. My messages are being delivered but aren't being replied too. I've not been too overbearing and I haven't created conflict. I hate conflict, we never argue. But I've reached out atleast twice a day and I'm getting no response. I've tried calling him too.
My attachment style is an anxious attachment, I'm beginning to think he is definitely an avoidant. He speaks about his feelings sometimes but will change the conversation quickly. He sometimes goes off the radar for a day because he is tired and stressed out, and I've always understood that someone would need that space. But it's never been like this before.
He is a people pleaser and a yes man. He will go and do things for people where he can and is there for his friends in difficult times. It's just not like him to ignore me like this and not reply to anything I say for 5 days.
Do we think he's just needing some space? Has anyone dealt with an avoidant before? It's just strange because I haven't noticed any difference with how he's been with me until now, and the last time I saw him was perfect, as well as all the other times I've seen him too. Do I wait for him to reach out now and stop messaging him? Or do I pour my heart into a paragraph and tell him what I need and put the ball in his court?
With being a person with an anxious attachment it's hard to not overthink situations and take things personally. I'd be lying if I said I haven't been in bits the last 5 days, but I'm trying to understand he's in burnout at the moment with the amount of things that's going on. I haven't done anything wrong, so I'm confused on why I'd be the problem.
TL;DR my boyfriend hasn't spoke to me in 5 days after me reaching out multiple times. He is the avoidant type and has alot on his plate that he told me all about the last time we saw each other. Should I give him space and not message? Any advice welcome.