Hi everyone,
I did not think I would be in this position. I feel so stupid and taken advantage of and heartbroken.
I married the man I was in a relationship with when we were teenagers. At that point in time I had to end it since we both were depressed, self-harming and he was using drugs and alcohol excessively. I've always loved him but realised it would end in disaster. It played out with him trying to kill himself and later moving to study/party.
We kept in contact everynow and then, he had children over the years and we met again 4 years ago. I had been single for a few years and have come a long way, my mental health is good now. He came off as if he had done a lot of work on himself as well, he was sober and had been broken up with the youngest's mother for a while.
The love was still there and we talked and decided to get married.
A few rocky years and now it's all come crashing down in an emotional affair and a relapse into drugs and alcohol. We had started counselling already to work on our communication and he has now admitted to this.
I knew since the signs were there but he has been denying it.
I have spoken to my friend and I know nothing physical outside of what she thought was friendly hugs have happened but she started to feel uncomfortable a few weeks ago and suspecting he was looking for more than friendship. She has been showing him support in his mental issues and encouraging him to not drink and use any substances and to speak to me instead.
This has happened during a period where I have been away from home for a couple of weeks to care for a relative of mine in another state. When she realised that this was affecting our relationship she has refused to drink with him, made it clear that it's destructive and urged him to speak to me. She was afraid that he simply would kill himself if she withdrew while I was away. She is not romantically interested in him and quite frankly disappointed in his misinterpretation of her behaviour. They were friends.
He has admitted himself that he needs help now or this will kill him. He also claims to love me and want to save our marriage. He says his crush on her mostly was an excuse to get drunk or high with her. He does not know yet that I am aware of her rejection of him.
I so want to believe him.
I am stupid enough to still love him but smart enough to know he needs to do the work. My role is to take care of myself and support him when I can.
I am very firm in this and good in a crisis so even though I am heartbroken by being let down and wounded by the only man I've ever actually been vulnerable with and let into my heart I am able to keep it together at the moment.
We will seek professional help of course, both for him, his mental health, the substance abuse and our relationship but right now I'm not able to sleep or think straight.
Please, do any of you have any experience of this where it did not end in divorce?
TLDR: Husband has emotional affair and an increasing substance abuse. Claims to be willing to seek help and to mend our marriage.
Am I stupid to want to try?