my girlfriend and i have been dating for just over 350 days now, she has borderline personality disorder and has made it known to me early on however i may have come to the scary realisation that i may not have what it takes anymore to handle it.
i've let her known in the very beginning before her disorder was made known to me that when there are times where i have to prioritise myself, my space and my time, i will have to do it. example being, i have work the next morning and i need to get my rest and my sufficient hours of sleep in or else i'll feel like absolute death.
however our last fight came when the same example i stated happened while she was looking for reassurance. i've told her i love her and that i'm always there for her, followed by a comment where i told her that i need to get some rest in. she didn't like it one bit and i blew the lid and told her everything i felt the past 350+ days.
i was (still am) tired of having to be scared of what her reaction will be whenever i'd raise a concern that i think is important about the relationship. it would always transition into a fight where in her eyes there has to be someone at fault and that someone is me. i would always have to drop my ego and just tell her that i'm sorry each and every time while sponging in the verbal abuse. only the next day after a good sleep where she finally comes to her senses and apologises for being too harsh and say that it wasn't my fault at all. but by then it's too late. and every single 'its okay' or 'im okay' i've given to her are just lies in hopes of me thugging it out through this relationship. i've provided so much for her these past 11+ months, i truly have yet she always chooses to forget them the moment i have to take some me-time.
she's an angry person but when things are sweet, it's sweet. she has had attachment and abandonment issues her whole life and i truly want to be the one to get her out of that dark area she's in. but i'm slowly losing grasp in myself in the process. i don't wanna repeat the same mistake i did where i dropped all of me to carry all of someone else. it's just not healthy to me.
i may have answered my own question here, but what should i really do? or is there anyone else facing the same thing? i truly love her and i feel so guilty of wanting to let go.
TW PILL USAGE/RELAPSE ; she tried to OD on paracetamols for the first time in our relationship during our last fight. it's her second time since 2022 with her ex.