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31 comments
Urgh, really struggle to be okay with my sexuality because I’m single. As abusive as my ex was, she always reassured me in this regard. No matter how “problematic” or fucked up the stuff I’m into was – she liked it, too, so it was morally okay. *I* was okay. She was okay with everything, so I could be okay with it, too. I’m not sure if I could fully reveal myself to anyone ever again.
Can I just say that being sick in the summer is the absolute worst?
I had family visiting me last week, which was amazing and SO much fun, and I was looking forward to getting back to my regular routine with yoga, cooking, friendship, dating, etc. But of course, I was exposed to a ton of germs with my nibblings and have been feeling sick since they left.
Went to the doctor on Saturday and tested negative for strep, COVID, and flu, but after a few days of not feeling better, my doctor decided I probably had a false negative strep test and now I’m on antibiotics. I have about 36 hours until I’m considered not contagious but I also don’t want to push it and prolong my illness or get others sick.
I’m supposed to go to a concert this weekend and I gave decision-making power to my friend who will be driving – I’ll be in the safe window but I don’t want her to feel uncomfortable. And the guy I’ve been seeing had a COVID exposure right around the time my family visited, and then we’ve cancelled our plans twice because I’ve been sick, so we haven’t seen each other in almost two weeks.
I just want to have fun with my friends and the hot man I’m seeing! Woe is me!!!
I made a post here last night and just want to say thanks to everybody on this sub. I sincerely appreciate people here caring so much and giving me advice on the situation. Appreciate you all.
Realizing I don’t even know my own body count was a strange feeling. I was very religious until my mid 20s, so obviously we were encouraged to use a mating strategy to look for “dads” not “cads.”
Well, swipe apps and my deconversion both happened around a decade ago. I’ve been on hundreds of first dates, probably had sex with 30-40 different dudes over the years, messed around with a dozen more. Haven’t had a guy tell me he loved me since I was 29, and it broke me. Haven’t gone out with anyone longer than four to six weeks in my 30s. I’m 36 and definitely feel like the, uh, c*ck carousel has lost its novelty.
The weird thing is literally all these men were men I could see dating. They were all educated, had real jobs, had similar views on life. I think the vast majority of them want kids, or at least think they might want them with the right woman, and I just don’t see that happening.
So I would love to hear the strongest argument both for and against my current strategy. If you’re a mid thirties dude, does a girlfriend’s promiscuous past make you think she’s not the marrying kind? Is it hot and you want to have an open relationship? Are high libido people just not wired for love?
I just haven’t found my dry spells to make me any happier or more fulfilled than sleeping around. Never got a disease, never got pregnant, but obviously something feels missing. Not on any apps currently but still manage to pick up men irl occasionally.
Thanks. This is not a humble brag. Thought I’d be a virgin forever for sure lol
I posted a while ago about my ex of 2.5 years that i broke up with in January of 2024 [using my debit card well after the breakup](https://www.reddit.com/r/datingoverthirty/s/4uDJ7OKwxE) (and without my permission) to buy stuff online. When confronted, she read the message and didn’t respond. I was quite hurt at the time, even more so than I was during the breakup itself. We had split amicably and I didn’t think she was that type of person. Lesson learned.
Yesterday at 10pm I got a message out of the blue from her while I was trying to sleep. I read it off of the app so she wouldn’t know I seen it. She was letting me know that she’s having major health issues that will probably require a hysterectomy. I know she doesn’t have the best support system family/friend wise, so I knew she was reaching out because she felt that I was the only person she could turn too…..despite what she did. I was conflicted with how to proceed. I’m still upset with her of all people stealing from me, but I don’t hate her nor do I wish ill will. I did end up replying and gave her my sympathies but I kept my boundaries firm to myself. I’ve been practicing boundaries a lot lately and it’s made me feel more empowered each time I lay them out and stick with them. She ended the conversation by saying if I ever needed someone to turn too that she was there for me. I replied by saying I was going to be honest and that I’m still upset she took money and ghosted me after being confronted. Ironically, she hasn’t responded to that message yet (and too be fair, it says she hasn’t seen it either) but at least I know that she knows I’m not happy with what she did. I don’t expect anything obviously nor do I want anything, money is money, but just I’m glad to know that at least now she’ll realize the hurt she caused. I don’t care if she feels bad about it or not, i just care she knows it upset me.
Had a date with my lover last night and opened up about some insecurities, which then opened a lot more dialogue about our relationship that given me anxiety. A lot was revealed and I’m always appreciative of what being honest and vulnerable can reveal.
Ok I appreciate memes but this new guy on dating app is sending me random memes like it’s his entire personality, so it is making me reconsider meeting him in-person this weekend..
Struggling with my breakup that happened last weekend. I made the decision, but didn’t even intend to break up…until it sort of happened over the phone. I didn’t give us a chance to heal and repair from our first real fight, and cited a long term compatibility reason (that probably is true) when I didn’t give things a chance to naturally heal and see if we could were more than that (serious) concern.
I went to a speed dating thing through CitySwoon yesterday. I met 8 women. Basically, every 10 minutes you get a text message with a photo of your current date and you go spend 10 minutes talking to them. At the end of 10 minutes, you get a text with a link that allows you to judge your date on a scale of 1-5 and get your next match.
I rated all the girls except for 1 a 3. When I rated them a 3, I thought that level of neutrality would reflect that I didn’t want to see them. I did that because they weren’t bad people and I enjoyed meeting them, but I didn’t want to date them. The only one I didn’t rate a 3 I rated a 5.
Lo and behold this morning I matched with 7 of the women. I feel pretty bad that I have no interest in meeting 6 of them.
You know what is pretty awesome? Being really into someone and they give you mixed signals, which prompts you to bless and release. You’re bummed about it, feel your disappointment, but don’t chase them. Then, that person you were super into does something that gives you THE BIG ICK and you have a full-body nervous response that makes you want to throw up. Seriously! What was I *thinking?!* He was such a cringe-inducing goober!
I’m not typically a woman that “plays games” or doesn’t communicate what I want. I’m usually fine being the one to initiate things – like asking for numbers, planning dates, asking to kiss someone, being honest about my feelings etc.
But! There’s a guy I met about 3 weeks ago who I’ve casually been out with 5 times now. We both aren’t looking for a serious thing – I just think he’s cute, he lives 3 blocks away, and I’m an extrovert that likes cuddles and making out. So it’s not like there are any expectations about spending time together.. That being said, I realized I was the one doing ALL the initiating, including texting, and it was making me feel too eager? Overwhelming?
Last time I saw him, I put it out there that I would be free to hang out this week from Wednesday night to Saturday night, whatever evening worked for him. I said I had an unopened Lego set we could put together while we drink craft beer and listen to vinyls. He said it sounded fun. Yesterday we texted periodically during the day but he didn’t ask to see me. I’m just gonna leave the ball in his court this week and if he doesn’t ask to meet up then I’m just gonna let it fade.
Again, I know there’s no obligation, but I still don’t want to be burning energy & time on someone who isn’t at least a LITTLE excited to hang out. Y’know? “if they wanted to they would” sort of deal. Maybe I sound real stupid & immature but I really set the scene up for him with my schedule and a hangout idea, and if he can’t at least say, “are you still down to hang out tonight?” then meh. There are other people who would want to get drunk and Lego it up with me 😉
It’s been a long time since I’ve had some severe jealousy/insecurity about something in a relationship but the last two days my nervous system went crazy over something incredibly small, innocent, and dumb.
I feel terrible but we worked it out and he was immensely kind to me through it. Now I just need to work on feeling confident in myself again and continue to work on trusting his actions and his words because they match. I’ve had a lifetime of abuse and abandonment and even though therapy and medication help sometimes it also helps to be shown that I’m not worthless by my loved ones.
I have a first date later today with a woman I was interested in, but who has been coming across over-eager in texts since we set it up, and I’m pretty concerned we’re not on the same wavelength about dating pace. I’m not looking for something casual, but I’m also not ready to jump right into relationship mode just because we’re compatible on paper and have some shared interests – I wanted to actually get to know her first. She casually mentioned she was only checking the app to see if I responded, volunteered her number before I asked, and has made a couple jokes about third date plans and binge-watching TV shows together, and it just feels like jumping the gun to me when we haven’t even met in-person yet. I like enthusiasm, especially with so many first dates off apps being kind of blasé, but this level has got my guard up.
Should I have called this off? Or am I reading too much into it? It’s not *that* extreme – most of our chat has been pretty normal – but she’s definitely past the line of what I think would be a measured expression of positive interest, and I don’t think I’ve been encouraging it (I’ve definitely been more reserved in my responses than I usually am). I am overly sensitive about letting people down, so I’m kind of dreading a potentially awkward conversation with someone who may be infatuated with their imaginary idea of me.
How do I find normal people to date? I started talking to this guy and we went on an amazing date and I thought we had a great connection but he wasn’t showing he was physically attracted to me so I tired to flirt with him occasionally. he absolutely lost his shit and said I was too sexual and he lost respect and attraction to me called me all sorts of names and broke contact.
Venting a bit before I talk to the guy about this.
Over the last year of met a lot of guys that were not very polite or cared about me or seemed loyal. Ghosted or were terrible at communication, and happy to hookup. It burnt me out and made me very jaded.
I finally met someone who seems very decent and serious about a relationship and seems to be a good guy in general. The only thing is he is so extremely shy and very awkward, and we have been moving very slowly. I have been seeing him here and there for about three months now and, there is so little touch, we haven’t kissed and it’s really difficult to talk about a serious topic because our conversation seems really surface level.
He also tends to forget things I tell him, I don’t know if it’s because he’s nervous but it’s over text so he should have time to think about them before saying something. I remember almost everything that we talk about and reference to it, I’m very good at holding a conversation and bringing up topics and letting them go from one thing to another, but I’m trying to hold back a little bit and dates now because I realize how much of the effort comes from me. I want to let the silence hang sometimes and not rush and to save the conversation to make them comfortable and to let the other person participate as well.
I know that he’s interested and he likes me, he does make an effort to keep in touch but again it’s very surface level. He’s never complimented me or expressed interest in explicit words. It’s just through these actions: he tries to check in and to plan future meetings and sometimes send me his food and dog pics as conversations. When I brought up love languages to him, I told him that mine are all 5 because you really need all of them, albeit in different levels and different times.
Our text conversations are also pretty dry. I know myself, I respond quickly. I don’t play those games like I gotta wait a few hours before responding. I respond right away if I have a response in my head and with him, I just feel like I don’t feel like trying to make conversation, I just look at the text and I’m like OK..? and don’t even respond for a couple of hours. I feel like I only respond because I feel bad for leaving him hanging.
I understand that he’s very shy and I asked him if he’s not a touchy person or what what’s the comfort level with touch there he said that it takes a little bit of time for him to warm up. I respected that and I have not pushed it myself. I feel at crossroads or unmotivated to see and get to know him, and I would not want someone to continue seeing me if they felt that way about me. I thought at first that this is probably what I needed; to get to know each other as friends and hopefully build intimacy, but I think it’s just something isn’t working.
It kind of feels like going out with a coworker, not even a friend, and it doesn’t feel like he wants to “date” me. I’m planning on addressing these things soon, so that’s why I’m writing it out.
[just venting] alright so a few posts ago, I mentioned accidentally overeagerly texting a man about some topics of interest to both of us (movies, tv, video games). I was semi-joking that he would probably unmatch me the following day for the three 1/2 paragraphs. But he ended up keeping me matched,huzzah.
Also a few posts ago before that post, I also mentioned that every time I jump on the apps, I meet a new type of guy! And this (same) guy is…now a question mark.
I’m a tv/film journalist, he’s a software engineer … so his job is more practical than mine. So he suddenly starts asking about how journalism works, but more specifically the pay. 💀 and I told him it depends as you can be freelance or work for a company, but that I work for a company so I have stability. Normally in the past guys will ask either: who’s your fav celeb you’ve interviewed, where have you traveled, what are your fave type of films/tv…..
This man instead asks, “does your job pay for your travels?” … another pay question 💀 get off my paystub sir. I am not asking him about his cash flow, I’m asking him about what it’s like working for (well known company) doing software engineering.
Out of the two of us, I have the most personality and flare, which I don’t mind. Considering his career it kinda makes sense. But, it’s getting a little more difficult to converse, as I try to steer away from talking about jobs for two days and more fun / practical things that hopefully lead to a first date. (We’ve been chatting for four days). So, I asked him finally “what brings you to the apps?” And he says, that he hasn’t really been in a relationship before, so he’s still deciding what he’s looking for, then he says, “the people I’ve met so far, I haven’t clicked with. And I’m trying to figure out what I need to make something click.”
So I appreciate the honesty regarding the “clicking,” and I never judge anyone on the lack of experience because, I too, was/am a late bloomer. But I guess I’m trying to determine this statement. Maybe it was a light rejection too? Idk, I kept the convo going after that, he did too. But I noticed he never asked me what brought me to the apps or what my romantic goals were either. So, I kinda just petered off and only responded to his messages and he stopped asking me questions and only responded back to my messages as well.
Anyway! I’m not sad or anything. But I’m just like damn, another type of dude just dropped. The one that texts you asks about your money, but doesn’t really plan on going out with you because he doesn’t know what he wants really?
Lol. Ok, sorry for the long post yall.♥️
[advice] I’ve been on a few really good dates with someone recently. We have a great time, lots of chemistry, and I feel comfortable around him. However, I recently connected with him on social media and found that he’s the type to follow a lot of random, attractive women (some IG models, OnlyFans girls, and seemingly just women he finds online or on dating apps). He’s continued to add women, especially ones in markets he flies to (he’s a pilot), since we’ve been dating. We haven’t discussed what we are or what we’re looking for (he listed longterm relationship on his dating app), so I don’t have a right to feel territorial, but it’s still… off-putting. It makes me question if he’s actually interested in me.
I’m considering cutting it off for this reason. I feel like I wouldn’t be able to build the trust necessary, especially since he’s gone for work so often. At the same time, I wonder if this behavior would change if we actually became an item. What would you do in this scenario?
how do people get onto those reality dating shows? (i just started ‘married by sight’)
Just reached out to an old FWB in a moment of weakness/horniness and kinda feel ashamed. But also, I don’t *think* I should be ashamed…..
I dunno. Like I said yesterday, my hormones are driving me crazy I think! Haha
He hasn’t replied yet. Don’t know what my next move will be if he does. Horny jail is the only logical next move for me!
I’ve been seeing someone casually for almost a year now. I’m coming off of a separation/marriage, and she’s coming off of her own sensitive situation. We go on dates, we kiss (but not full-on making out) Haven’t had sex yet.
This is all… unusual for me in that I’m normally having sex with a person by now, there’s usually physical fireworks if we’re both feeling it, and physical/sexual affection is my speed.
I think she’s pretty, smart, nerdy (in the best ways possible) and I legitimately do like spending time with her. We’ve had a heart to heart conversation about what we want, and she says her sexual neurons just aren’t firing right now. And I’m okay with that, I don’t want to pressure her into sex unless its a mutual feeling.
She’s expressed a few times concerns about her appearance and how she’d like to lose some weight. That kind of thing doesn’t matter a whole lot to me, especially because she’s so rad in so many other areas. I think the subtext here is that she doesn’t feel 100% comfortable getting to that intimate level just yet.
It’s just– that male, physical side of me is getting impatient. I want to have sex, damnit! Recently things have slowed down between us because my school term is absolutely nuts right now, but she reached out and offered a dinner date after I’m done with finals.
I guess what I’m asking is, I like this girl, I feel she’s relationship material, but I’d like things to pick up a little especially after all the time we’ve spent together. I think her offering dinner is a good sign that she’s still interested in hanging out. But, I haven’t run into this problem before where I spend a lot of time with someone I like and physical affection feels one-sided or lacking.
What’s a non-aggressive way to communicate interest in her physically? Ways to reassure her that I find her attractive without it being pushy or overly assertive?
So I matched with a guy today and he opens with “love the ‘[caption of my photo]’ picture lol, what was the inspiration for the pose?” It’s just a photo of my friend and I dancing.
I’m usually pretty good at picking out the bot accounts and admittedly have been swiping right on accounts that are questionable as the options dwindle, but this one snuck past me. They’re highly prevalent in the late 30s wants kids demo.
Question is, do you think this is a full on bot or someone who’s got TikTok rot using AI to message all their matches?
Also, what do the scammers get out of these accounts? Do people send the money or some thing?
The Recently Single curse strikes *again*. Great first date Sunday (we kissed a lil and agreed to take it slow), planned a second date for Friday, anddd they cancelled it yesterday basically saying that I’m cool and hot but they’re not ready to date. I suggested casual/FWB but they said no because they’ll catch feelings. I respect that.
…but are we still going to go to the thing we planned the date around, because I felt deranged and suggested it? Yes. When I suggested it, did they say they’d wanted to too? Also yes. And did they also just text me something so committed to the bit it would have required setting a reminder on their phone? Also yes.
I’m not silly enough to think something’s really going to come of this, but I *am* silly enough to think we’re gonna make out on Friday!
How do you deal with your partner not meeting your needs and ignoring request for effort ?
How does a guy get a profile review in this day and age? Every sub I try and get one on gets filtered out even though I follow all the rules 😭
Anyone move in with a partner rather quickly?
We met last month and have communicated a lot of our wants and needs. We’re on the same page for our long term goals and she has already stayed overnight at my house several times. She’s new to the city (3 months) and is renting a single room out of someone’s house and has 3 other roommates. Her rent is less than my house mortgage by only $100 which blows my mind, but that’s the market. We’re both money conscious because I’ve told her I would rather cook us dinner together than spend $70 on going out to dinner any time we want to see each other, and she feels the same way. Everything has been going great.
So for anyone who moved in together quickly, what were the pros and cons?
Edit: Thank you all for the grounding advice.
If you matched with someone on the apps and they told you on or after the first date that they’d rather continue getting to know you solely in person, and not through texting, how would you feel about that? Assume that enough messages were exchange prior to the first date to let you know you wanted to meet them.
If you like the idea of not getting to know each other through text, then how often would you expect to meet up?
I HATE losing the fun of getting to know someone in person by the prevalence of texting, but I also hate going on more than one date a week early on (or at least, I haven’t yet met anyone that made me excited enough to want to meet more often, and I do blame texting for some of that feeling.)
ETA: I should clarify it’s specifically the texting during the getting to know each other stage that I feel like drains a lot of the fun out of early dating for me. I otherwise text a lot.
Posted the other day about a woman I’m very excited about and travel plans getting in the way after 6 dates/a month of dating. Despite my very best efforts I think I’m texting her a bit more than she’s texting me while she’s away. She doesn’t really feel excited to keep in touch, but then she’ll send me a picture ever 2 or 3 days. Then we might have a brief conversation, and the next evening I’ll text her something, then it will be a couple days to get a response, but I don’t text anything else in the meantime. I keep going back and forth whether I should keep alternating starting conversations or just let her do it so I don’t intrude in her trip. She knows I like her and she didn’t want to FaceTime or anything when I asked before the trip.
If you were not interested in someone, would you still send them pictures from your trip every few days? I think she’s maybe on the fence. Or just someone who moves at a much slower speed than me (fast!) – she hasn’t really had a serious relationship before so she obviously isn’t super fast to get nto relationships….
I got hit on today while walking to meet a former co-worker for drinks. He got my number and asked if I wanted to go to jazz on Friday. While it probably won’t pan out it just feels good to be out there again.
I’m sore all over. Changed my workout plan last week and ouch. Very good ouch, but still. All the muscle pain. My body feels and looks pretty great right now, which is ho so nice. I’m also back to climbing regularly, although I’m absolutely terrible at it now after having not climbed for so long, but I see it as an active hobby, not a my main workout. I also got new bits for my home gym this week. Very happy.
I was the official photographer for the comp we had at my climbing gym, and it was brilliant. I have some epic shots, and since I’ve tagged the finalist climbers as collaborators on IG and they accepted, I also had a few Olympic athletes I really respect like my images. They have no idea who I am and they probably just liked things that appeared on their timeline, but I’ll take the win regardless. I got a punch card from the gym owners and I’m gifting it to the tailor so we can go together since I’m already a member. Exciting!
I’m chatting to the tailor tomorrow morning, we have a phone date. I’m actually really looking forward to it. He sent me a selfie of him in the sun this morning and it was really sweet. I also got a video tour of his mum’s garden which was really cute. Since he’s not on social media I can’t do any casual stalking, and need to rely on him to send me photos of his adventures, which he’s been doing perfectly. We’ve been texting throughout the day and it’s been really nice. I got photos of his dinner, him making dinner, wolves that were spotted in his area, a stork flying over his house, mushrooms he finds and I identify, the woods. It’s all very nice. I like that he’s ‘including me’ so to speak. It’s nice to know he’s thinking of me while away.
I’m going to a rage room with a friend tomorrow. Her and I will be smashing things and I can’t wait!! Been wanting to try one for ages. Her boyfriend was supposed to come with us, but he’s got a cold. We normally hang out the three of us at the climbing gym, so I’m actually looking forward to chatting just us.
Now, I sleep. Just got a good night text from the tailor, who is an hour ahead and also getting ready for sleep. This week since he went has gone by so quickly. I’m going the next one until he’s back is the same.
went on a disastrous first date where he forcibly kissed me in his car twice. it was utter repulsive because it was open mouthed and he just went for it without reading ANY signs — he was very obviously more into me than i him, and there was no physical attraction on my side. we were literally just talking about my ex was more conventionally better looking than he was (he asked).
my mistake was getting in his car and not leaving after the first incident, but it blows my mind how he could misread things to this extent. i was shaky and he had the gall to text me asking what’s wrong, why i wasn’t replying, if he didn’t something wrong over the course of the next day.
i didn’t even want to engage because how and why does someone, at this age, not know about consent and how to read signs. the good thing is that i’m not shaken up enough to allow this to stop me from dating, but it is a huge wake-up call that there are all sorts of people (men) out there, and your safety and comfort are the most important things.
I don’t like the post break up emotional rollercoaster.
I’m sad, I’m mad at you, I miss you, I’m mad again, I love you, I’m sad, I miss you… I’m all over the place.
Today I miss you a lot. I miss my friend, I miss your voice, I miss catching up with you.