Tl;Dr my husband doesn’t help at home but I work too am I just ungrateful
Why is my husband such a burden? Am I just ungrateful?
I F29 he M30 have been married 7 years
We have 4 kids from infant to 6 years. They all stay home with me except the oldest who goes to school (it’s currently summer).
I also work 2 full time jobs from home while making all the meals and doing all household tasks. He works outside the home on a rotating schedule switching from 3 nights 3off 4 days 7 off 4 nights 3 off 3 days 1 off then 3 nights again. It’s a brutal schedule of 12 hour shifts. But again I’m at home playing a juggling act of drs appointments feeding schedules diapers events and activities all while balancing my 2 full time 40 hr/week corporate jobs.
Note: my jobs are not meant to be “responsible” for the bills. But I do contribute to them as in I pay for kids clothes and toys and my clothes cosmetics eating out and I double up on the mortgage.
When he is off from work he is an added responsibility on me. He sleeps in, follows a different eating schedule, and expects attention. He gets angry about my schedule saying I prioritize kids over him but for me he’s the 5th kid. He doesn’t cook clean and while he is I think a good father, he consistently pushes against the grain (leaving doors open unlocked items out ect) leaving even more work and stress for me. Then if there is a mess caused by his not paying attention, I’m the one who has to deal with it.
He typically spends all his day on the phone but kids will be making a mess right in front of him. He will apologize and say he didn’t see it. I feel like I’m banging my head against the wall. And then at the end of the day he wants intimacy from me. But I’m either super tired or resentful towards him. If I express that he blames the kids and tells me how having the kids is such a burden and how it was my plan so inferencing it’s my problem not his.
But I don’t feel like the kids are the burden…. I feel like HE is the burden and the reason for my exhaustion.
The inverse of that is that I really don’t understand the extent of toll his job takes on him and with the messed up schedule I’m sure it isn’t easy. But then I think wth he takes naps at work and sometimes brags about doing nothing for 12 hours… I’m busting my ass at the crack of dawn after feeding all night working two jobs taking kids here and there and answering endless demands to the point I can barely feed myself and care for my basic needs sometimes… but I never feel complaintive about it until he adds to that instead of helps… it literally doesn’t bother me until he begins to ask from me without helping me..
Am I being unreasonable?