I want them in my life no matter what I care too much about them to lose them I just don't know what to do.
Context: I've been friends with this person for six years and we went to community college together. They had a crush on me in college that I did not know about until later. We reconnected last year and they revealed that they used to like me and still might. However, I was fresh out of a relationship at that time and turned them down.
This past two semesters I was at college they visited me. We started sleeping together and acting like a couple and I drunkenly told them I had feelings for them. They did a complete 180 and said they were not ready to date yet. They swore off dating because their last relationship went bad and they wanted to work on themselves
We went months without seeing each other and they told me they went on a date with someone, which broke my heart because they told me they didn't want to date yet they were dating. That date backfired because she kissed them and then rejected them.
Months later we saw each other again. It was really romantic and they were hugging me from behind and kissing me and buying me stuff and cuddling and all. But then after that night they reiterated they didn't want a relationship and apologized for leading me on. They said it was because they thought I was a great person but that they were not good enough for me and were scared they were going to hurt me. They said I deserved better.
Now they told me they are talking to someone romantically again who isn't me and my heart is broken again.
I love them so much and it breaks my heart how this keeps happening. I want them to be happy and I feel like I'm not good enough for them because they always turn me down. I can't stand being yanked around and questioning if they have feelings for me or not anymore. I can't stand feeling like a second choice. I can't stand loving them so much that it hurts. I wish I could be happier for them about their crush. I wish I wasn't so jealous and angry and confused.
TLDR: My longtime friend and I have a FWB situation going on with feelings involved and they recently pushed me away after periods of us getting close making me question how they feel about me.