Hey Everyone,
So, I've posted here a while ago (https://www.reddit.com/r/Marriage/comments/1arce92/couplesrelation\_therapy\_am\_i\_right\_to\_feel\_like\_i/).
In the mean time, we're 4 months further down the road and I honestly don't know how to handle this anymore.
Basically my wife turned 180 degrees within a matter of weeks on everything and I am unable to figure out what the f*ck happened and if this is all legit or not.
In short:
- My wife has been showing very bad behaviour over many years. Blames everything on the hormones (literally, even the abuse behavior & words that came with it, although she also says she can't really remember what she said/did");
- In december I dropped the bomb that I wanted to see acouples counseler. She initially didn't want to but did afterwards. After a few sessions she has suddenly swung completely in the opposite direction. She suddenly (since december, when I dropped the idea of couples counseling) has "room in her head" to:
- Talk calmly, discuss things as adults do instead of being inflammatory over everything.
- Take her responsibility when it comes to our finances;
- Wants to go camping instead of renting expensive holiday houses;
- A whole lot more.
- We have had sex 3 times in the past 6 years. She didn't feel like it, but suddenly since we started couples counseling she randomly at the most awkward moments comes with the direct question: "I feel like having sex. You?" wtf ?
- I think I have checked out years ago because nothing was possible and I was not even near getting my 2 cents out of this relationship;
- Everyone around me that I tell about my situation tells me "we have always had our doubts about your relation ship. end it, there are many women around that suit you better. You're a great guy, this is no bueno". They also find it very, very strange that suddenly everything is possible.
Since we have had our last counseling session about 2 weeks ago I've been thinking about this sh*t for quite a bit. I've been sad/crying randomly about things that should make one happy. One example is that one of my mates is becoming a dad for the first time. He told me and after my initial happiness for him, my mood turned sad as I began to think about our own pregnancy and the years that followed. It's got me sad quite often and my head can't handle it anymore.
I've also rejected sex with my wife 2 times now since she asked the "do you want to have sex" question. The reason for this is that I am having serious thoughts about how "legit" her swing to do the complete opposite is, as well as that I believe I have been pushed away way too far during those years and my emotional and physical affection towards her has shrunk quite a bit.
How do you guys keep your head clear and in order? I've been talking to others about this shitshow, meditating but these thoughts of doubt keep crossing my mind.
In the end I just think that I am very unsure about myself, causing me to not make any decisions. Or something like that… but it's hard to define what the actual cause is.
Any guidance or food for thought would be appreciated. There's just so much going on in my life with regards to this, it's insane and unhealthy. Gotta admit that I still sleep okay, but I do think that I've lost weight (again…) due to the stress that this causes.
Kind of dying from self-pity here lol.