Ok so, I shared a class with her this year and the first day of school I thought she was the most gorgeous girl in the world. I had been thinking this for so long and didn't even speak to her until about the half school year mark. I liked her personality I thought, however to me she was so mysterious. Like honestly I don't know if I liked her personality or looks or what interested me was this mysterious nature she had. I never knew her before this first day, she didn't have social media really. I really tried to get something with her the whole year but she wasn't interested I don't know if it was because I was younger or other reasons. Regardless by the end of the year I think she started to like me, we would snap all the time and had convos but we would never call. So now, we enter summer and she finally makes it more obvious she is interested. I ask to hangout, she says she's busy l ask again… busy. I go to vacation and we talk a good amount over text but have never called and never really spoken in a 1 on 1 setting. Once I get back we plan to hang and then we do. She wants to go on a late night drive, best way to say it is it went fine, we had fun and I made her laugh. I asked to kiss her during the date and she declined but had her reasoning it wasn't necessarily something I wanted but I thought she wanted it because who goes on a late night drive and not doing that. Also keep in mind I had had a crush on this girl for like 8 months and it took 1 and a half months of talking to hangout. After the hangout I felt horrible I don't know what emotion I was feeling but now that it's been a couple days I think I'm depressed. And after the date I didn't even know if I liked her because I had never hung out with her one on one.
Shortly after I texted her where do we stand and she said she wants to be friends which honestly I think was best because when we hung out I just couldn't see it working.
However now that we ended im left confused if I truly liked her or I just liked the image I made of her in my head. Plus even though I felt it not working I don't kno why she thought it wasn't. This has really been hurting my mental heath and I would like help with it.
TL;dr : M(16) had crush on girl F(17) for 8 months and finally had a talking stage that lasted a month and half just to get to have one hangout, after that hangout we ended things but I’m left conflicted with emotions