TL;DR – Takes me too long to finish during sex, partner says it makes her feel unattractive and won’t discuss how we might be able to fix it, I reiterate that’s not the case and we need to find an adult way to move forward objectively.
I’ve got a bit of a problem when it comes to finishing during sex that I feel is going to cause a real rift between me and my partner.
Bit of backstory, been together 8 years and have a kid. She’s suffered with endometriosis for our entire relationship which has meant sex just hasn’t been a thing for the most part (think single digit occurrences in each year). Of course one of these times led to pregnancy (which is great given the nature of endometriosis) but if anything it meant even less sex at that point because we were primarily doing it to try for a baby due to her still getting pain and discomfort.
Something i struggle with is that my foreskin is quite tight and as a result it’s all very sensitive down there. In some cases this means when I do have sex, it ends up feeling a bit numb because even though it does retract, it’s such an unfamiliar and somewhat uncomfortable feeling that it doesn’t react in the same was as if I were to masturbate.
I’m a man with a naturally very high sex drive so coupled with my partners endo pain, it’s meant that more often than not I’ve had to take care of myself for the most part. This has also pretty much always been the case even if we have been intimate. Since giving birth my partners felt the endo pain is easing and we’re able to have sex more regularly which I thought would be great but it’s mostly just led to me realising I have a real problem with delayed ejaculation.
It’s taking at minimum 45 minutes for me to finish and my partner is saying she can’t go for that long (endo starts to hurt – completely fair enough) but she’s now getting frustrated with me saying it makes her feel unattractive and undesired. If I’m honest that part has left me a bit annoyed because I’ve been nothing but supportive during the years where we haven’t had sex due to her endo pain whereas now we’re struggling because of a problem I have that I can’t control or help, I’m not receiving any reassurance or support from her.
My real question is, where do I go from here? Has anybody else had a problem like this and if so, how did you overcome it? I’ve tried to have a serious and fair conversation about it with her but she just shuts down and repeats that it makes her feel unattractive. While I get it and that’s a valid feeling, she isn’t listening when I explain that isn’t the case and actually what we need to do is take the emotion out of this problem and look at it objectively and manage it in the same way a physical problem would be. Any and all helpful responses are much appreciated.