why would someone feel uncomfortable around anyone who is interested in them?

9 comments

1. Shyness and/or anxiety, or they aren’t interested

2. It can be awkward if you aren’t interested in them, also some people do not deal with rejection well and can get combative.

3. There’s lots of reasons. The person could just be shy or suffer from social anxiety where any given social situation would make them feel uncomfortable. There’s also stuff like nervousness where they might also be interested in the person making them feel uncomfortable due to nerves and what not. Then you come across things like the person’s history. Maybe they’ve been hit on several times and others haven’t handled rejection well leading to stalkers, sexual assault, etc. The list of reasons as to why someone might be uncomfortable is rather large and will vary from person to person and differ in each situation.

4. For me, certainly in my younger years it was because of low self-esteem – like I didn’t believe someone would actually think of me like that. Or alternatively, because I really liked the person and wanted them to like me back so was tying myself in knots to do everything ‘right’.

5. Having been married twice for 25 years, and being 54, plus being overweight and rather plain, I would not trust that a man is genuinely interested in me initially. From having been extremely overweight, my first thought is always to suspect mockery. Oh, let’s string along the fat chick for laughs. I’ve lost 200 lbs; I’m much more a regular size now, but that history is there.

   What makes me uncomfortable is my clear signaling of NOT REMOTELY INTERESTED and a male not reading signals or worse, not caring. And then, to be honest, it’s on. If he’s doing the creep show to make me uncomfortable, it’s all about power, and I’m happy to flex right back and make HIM uncomfortable enough to leave. If it gets to that point, I want to alienate him permanently.

6. Depends, if someone is interested in me in a romantic way and I’m not I’m not interested in being touched in certain areas. If someone disrespect the touch areas, I’m not going to be comfortable hanging out with them.

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8. It can be a bit awkward even if the person reacts respectfully/maturely to rejection; but it can be extremely uncomfortable knowing someone who is attracted to us could get aggressive, whiny, forceful or threatening when we let them know we’re not interested.

   Some people react very poorly to being rejected, which can make us feel unsafe around them.

9. I am uncomfortable around men who hit on me cold approach. The only thing they have to go on is my looks. I used to be overweight, and when I was in high school and college, I just assumed that men who cold approached me were doing it for a bet or a joke. As I got older and more confident in myself, I still felt weird about the cold approach. I think, for me, I’m still not comfortable with men who pay attention ONLY to my body. Part of it is that I’m demisexual, so I don’t really feel attraction for someone until I get to know them personally. I just feel more comfortable being flirted with if it’s someone I’ve at least had a conversation with, or is a friend of a friend. It feels more flattering and genuine to think that someone is attracted to me because I’m funny and easy to talk to, rather than because they like the way my ass looks, or something. It feels…gross? Objectifying? And I know it’s not really super rational – if you’re in a bar or an event an see someone who you’d like to talk to, it’s not always physical. Maybe you heard their laugh or a joke they made. But it’s always made me super uncomfortable when men come on to me right away. Let’s chat first, and if we’re both feeling it, then start flirting. But if you lead with “I find you attractive” I think…no you don’t. You don’t even know me.