I (F34) have been an only child my whole life. My mom (F63) is a single mother and raised me by herself but never ever told me or talked about my biological father.
I never had a father figure, my grandparents were separated since I remember and my grandfather lived in another state, so we did not have a relationship with him. My mother did marry when I was 6 years old, but her partner was not what you would say a good father figure, he was an alcoholic and cheated on her several times. They were only married for 7 years.
I did ask my mom a couple of times when I was younger about my biological father, but she only told me that it was a friend of hers that was not ready to be a father, and that is why he was not with us. But I never knew who he was or even knew his name.
For a lot of time, I did not bother to ask her about my bio dad anymore, I use to say that I was not interested in someone that didn't even want to know me and that I didn't need him.
I now am married and have 2 boys, and for a while now wonder who my bio dad is. One of my children was diagnose with Autism and that triggered a lot of questions from my bio dad side. If I could have some genetic problems that I or my children need to be aware of and started to get a little bit anxious about that, to the point that I seek for help with a therapist to help me confront my mom and ask her about my bio dad. (I just hate confrontation and was scared that this could break in some way the relationship between me and my mom).
A few days ago, I got brave and ask my mom about bio dad, and she told me that he did not want to be a part of our lives because he was a married man and told me his name.
As soon as I got to my house, without my mom, and when the children were asleep, I ran to the internet and search for this man. It took me a while, but I found him! I got a little bit shocked and could not stop looking at his posts, and photos. It turns out that he is not only married, but he has also at least 4 daughters, 3 older than me and one my age.
I honestly don't know what to do, I am curious to talk to the man and see if he will answer my questions, but I do not know how to approach him. I don't want to make a mess in anyone's life, but I think I deserve to be heard. this makes me feel like the hidden child and I think I deserve at least a conversation. I do not want to hurt my mom, in anyways because she kept this hidden for 34 years, but I know that is my right to know where I came from.
What would you do?
TLDR; I (F34), (only child my whole life) just found out who my biological father is and that I have 4 half-sisters, want to reach out but don't know if I should.