My high school boyfriend (20M) of 4.5 years broke up with me yesterday. I (20F)am heartbroken to pieces to say the least. To give some backstory, we have been together since we were both 15, in 10th grade. Shortly after we started dating, I lost my mom. It was a huge wrench in my life. About a year after her death, my boyfriend and I broke because of my mental instability, as I never properly grieved the loss of my mom. We both talked to other people briefly, but felt we were best for one another. After that 2.5 month breakup, we were stronger than ever in our relationship (and so was I mentally). He had some childhood trauma after loosing his brother, growing up with 6 siblings , and being basically poor. My parents had relationship issues themselves (divorce) which caused trauma for me. I always had everything and more I needed to succeed though. I was very controlled and monitored as a kid, my boyfriend never was. It was always fend for yourself even while young. besides are very different upbringings, we were wonderful couple. We did pretty much everything together, shared a lot of the same friends and had an amazing bond. my dad moved hours away from me after graduation, and I definitely feel that I leaned on him during this time.
Fast forward to now. We are both 20, graduated from HS, and beginning our young adult lives. I am working nearly full time while going into my senior year of college, and he also works full-time in manual labor. he is not sure what he wants to do with his career or if he wants to go to school. We lived together with his parents for 1 year after
HS before I moved into my grandmas to help take care of her. After I moved in with her, our relationship slowly started to deteriorate. He has told a few lies, and I struggle with controlling my emotions. We never felt like we had privacy either. We’re both argued, disgareed, called names, and hurt another through the year. I know we are young and still learning how to approach more adult topics so we wouldn’t be perfect people. We also shared so many good times, memories, and things I wouldn’t trade the world for. We share some life goals but not all. He also isn’t sure what career path he wants to do, I am. We both didn’t really have financial goals, but I know that in my senior year of college I need to get serious. We also did end up getting a dog together that we both very much love. no it probably wasn’t the best decision, but he has brought us so much happiness.
Now to present day, he broke up with me as he wants to find himself. He doesn’t want to “hurt me” anymore. He has changed on some things in our relationship but not everything. Like I said before, he has lied a few times, but I have said some pretty crappy things to him too too. I don’t think we always knew how to communicate the best. I am always super deep/analytical/ he was not. He also went and got a new car, when he wanted to get his own place first (or at least did when we were together). He has spend most of his now free time with his friends who are all basically single which worries me. How do I move on? He is my very best friend. I love his family and he loves mine. I wanted to stay and work things out, he didn’t. He didn’t want to take a break, as he felt seeing me wouldn’t help him. He says he has hope for our future if we can find we aline better down the road. How do I go about this? Can you have hope for the future even if you don’t have it now? Should I even consider him in my future? What if he finds someone else, and I don’t? Should I run and never look back? How do I know if he is genuine, or just saying this for comfort? He has been very cold as we navigated to this decision. it has almost been like he has no heart, love, or affection for me in just a matter of days. I still love him and believe he is for me. I am trying to do no contact, but I am struggling with it yet- or at least till I get all my stuff. I need an outsider perspective during this time…Please HELP.
TDLR: I am not sure if I should keep an open mind about a future possibility with my high school boyfriend. He is a great man, I just don’t understand why he can’t work on himself while in a relationship with me (so we can work together). We broke up a few days ago with wanted to keep hope for the future….