Hi, I struggle with people. I’m 22years old, I’m a very big guy, not morbidly obese, I have a lot of muscle and size and I just physically take up a lot of space. I like to think I’m actually really cool and that seems to be literally all people’s perception of me. I’m a former college athlete, music producer, business owner, and I’ve been told that I have a really pretty face by a lot of people before. I really enjoy being alone and just thinking. But I really enjoy talking to others as well, I have just enough friends collectively from my entire life, to have to use two hands to count. It’s not my lack of friends that bothers me, I don’t exactly care to, but I wouldn’t mind making friends. When I do meet new people, they ALWAYS LOVE me and everyone I meet actually enjoys who I am and it’s really awesome and I love that I’m a likable person. I truly am a really nice person and honestly there’s nothing more than I want other than to see the people around me grow and blossom.
I grew up in a small town in Texas my entire life and moved out when I was 17 to go play football in college. I’ll be honest my social skills are good when people talk to me, But growing up as a fat kid I often got picked on and you know I didn’t let it bother me, I’m honestly a very passive guy and I’m just as scared of most people as they are to talk to me. No matter where I’m at, someone wherever it happens to be is like keeping check of me. This has left me with zero head room for error my entire adult life, I will do my best not to fuck up if someone is watching me. This has left me with a drive for perfection and I don’t feel that my ability to start a conversation is perfect.
I have been living, financially independent on my own, since 17. I have been single since 19, I was fat and ugly at the time my singleness started, I have single handedly changed my life around at this point, it was hard, but I fucking did it, and believe me you can too! But, this is what resulted in me liking to be alone.
EVERYONE looks at me, but NO ONE talks to me. I mean I get it, I can see how I’m scary and intimidating, i am. I also seem to be told I look angry all of the time, in all reality it’s because I’m really good at focusing and I can flip a switch to lock in with anything and everything. I’m gonna be honest it’s been so long since someone has just been nice and talked to me, I literally go out in public all of the time just hoping it happens. But it never does, where I currently live does suck but it’s everywhere I go. I would honestly probably cry if it happened. I have a few close friends up here and I spend a lot of time with them and I love them to death. But I just want others to talk to me, I hate always feeling so left out in life, I have my parents and talk to them occasionally and have started more recently, but I wish they knew how hard I’ve been struggling in life, everyone knows im a tough mother fucker, I am, but they don’t know how tough, I can’t show weakness to anyone. It sounds cringy, but that’s how I was raised. If it weren’t for the cat I adopted a few years ago, I genuinely don’t think would be here. I tried to take my life a few times as a kid because my life was so hard, I had a pretty good life don’t get me wrong, but I don’t think many other people on this planet could endure what I Have and be where I am today. It was so confusing and frustrating. It was hard, but im here now. Since I’ve been on my own, I haven’t really talked to anyone about this, And I’ve been struggling.
I don’t know what it is I’m asking, but please, I would just like some advice. Or maybe just a prayer.
I hope that you are nice to someone today and If someone talks to you, just lend an ear and make them feel heard please, not everyone has someone that they feel comfortable opening up to and sometimes I find the most random disconnected people the most comforting.
I hope you chase and follow your dreams because they are possible, don’t give up on them and what’s important to you.
Please remember to be more appreciative of everything you have.
Don’t feel lesser because of what you lack either.
Goodbye.