so my LDR-gf (of 4 years) had a co-worker (who shares an office with her) ask her to lunch (at a Brazilian restaurant) for lunch the other day, apparently she said no but she mentioned it to me today.
so I basically said I don’t feel comfortable with her going to lunch (especially an intimate restaurant) and she said another co-worker was invited but their lunch hour didn’t line up… my basic reply was that i’d be fine with it if it wasn’t just her and him alone but i’m wondering if i’m just being a possessive douche? I personally wouldn’t go to lunch alone with a single co-worker.
she has mentioned this co-worker a few times and recently her snapchat location has been unavailable a few times and a few times she hasn’t replied during usual chat hours but I haven’t really been suspicious, also one of the last times I saw her I notice she had kik installed on her phone (but she didn’t have much of an explanation for it) and she only has a few friends and uses signal to talk with them, we are long distance but have spend around 6 months living together full time (she worked in my country) and will spend another 6 weeks together soon now covid restrictions have lifted, I am her first relationship.
TLDR: gf got invited to lunch with a divorced co-worker, I objected, am I an asshole or too possessive?
1 comment
You’ve said two things regarding your communication with her: 1. that you don’t feel comfortable with it, and 2. “I’d be fine with it if…”. The first is an expression of your emotional reaction, the second is giving her terms. Indicating how you feel about this situation to her is both healthy and mature, but personally, I feel that giving her restrictions on what she is or is not allowed to do in this situation is excessive. It is lunch with a coworker, to which another colleague was also invited, not a 121 dinner date.
To me, what is more indicative here is the other things you’ve mentioned that you’re concerned about (her kik account, her Snapchat location, etc) – it sounds as though you are worried that she may be interested in someone else or even cheating. In short, it sounds like you do not fully trust her. I know that is hard when you live apart – but monitoring her online movements won’t help. Trust is fundamental to making any relationship work, whether you live close by or not. You have 6 weeks together coming up – prioritize spending that time reconnecting with each other. Good luck.