Lately, I’ve noticed a recurring pattern during my in-person dates. I meet a woman, we go to a bar, and we have a really good time—sharing stories, laughing, and genuinely enjoying each other’s company. Most of my dates have been still successful, so I have a basis for comparison.
However, after we finish our first drink, I usually kindly ask if they want another one. They almost always happily accept, not showing any signs of disinterest. I have decent social skills, so I know that even if they’re not sexually interested, they often conclude that I can at least entertain them. This results in them giving me very few to zero negative signs.
Yet, when I suggest continuing the date next time, they often reject me, citing a “lack of chemistry” or the belief that there can’t be anything more between us. I don’t mind having a good time with someone, nor do I mind paying for the drinks. However, I wonder if it would be better for both of us to end the date after the first 30 minutes (or after the first drink) if the attraction isn’t mutual. This way, we wouldn’t waste each other’s time.
Do any of you have a “magic question” to give a woman an escape route from the date? I don’t want to mess up things with those who are genuinely attracted to me, so I’d like to avoid saying anything that reflects low self-esteem or insecurity. One idea I had is to offer to go to another place after the first drink and ask about their plans for the evening. If they decline, it would signal their lack of interest without being rude.
What are your thoughts? Do you have any better practices for handling this situation?