I feel evil need advice

I've began a relationship with a women. I don't find her that attractive physically because she is overweight (I workout a lot). I also don't really think she has a fun personality, i find her boring. She loves me a lot. The problem is i lie to her and say what she wants to haer and how she is beautiful and that i love her too. I have some mental problem .I am also ugly and short. I haven't been with a women in years. I can't stand being lonely and i don't want to break up with her because i just can't stand being a lone. I think i have a personality disorder or something . please help i feel evil and horrible.