My partner and I have been together for almost a year now, and they have been an incredible person to be with. Our relationship is built on loyalty and trust, and we deeply love each other. Initially, we both had complete trust in each other, but I made a mistake that changed that.
From the beginning, my partner has expressed struggles with self-confidence, and I've done my best to support them and show them their worth. Similarly, I have my own insecurities, and my partner has always been reassuring and made me feel valued.
Recently, though, we had our first major argument. He was upset when he discovered I had sent a fan page of a male footballer to another account and had cleared the chat history. He felt hurt that I might find someone else attractive and was concerned that I was hiding my feelings from him. To be honest, I cleared the chat not because of the footballer but because I often share images and videos of fit women from gym accounts with myself, which I didn't want him to see. He felt betrayed and said it affected his trust in me.
Things escalated when he checked my spam account's following list and saw I followed many male celebrities. I had followed most of them long before our relationship, and the rest were because I admired their acting. He questioned why I followed these celebrities, and I explained that I rarely use that account and was lazy to unfollow anyone among the 1,000-plus accounts I follow (mostly food and fitness pages). He said seeing this was affecting his mental health and decided to unfollow my spam account. I've since removed all male celebrities (about 20 of them) to show him I don't have feelings for them or find them attractive. However, he still feels hurt and believes I've shattered his confidence. He no longer accepts compliments from me and feels I'm hiding things from him.
I feel like a terrible partner and person, and I'm not sure if I can ever be good enough, no matter how hard I try. He has expressed doubt about whether he can recover from this.
TL;DR; : My partner and I have been together almost a year and initially had complete trust until I made a mistake by hiding interactions that made them feel betrayed. They've struggled with my admiration for male celebrities I followed before our relationship, affecting their trust and mental health. Despite my efforts to reassure and amend, they feel their confidence in me is shattered, and I feel like a bad partner, unsure if I can regain their trust.