TLDR my partner lied about going to the strip club alone for the second time and I’m not sure if I should blow up my entire life over it.
This past September my (31f) partner (41m) of 6 years went to work and got a haircut after. We usually text each other when we’re headed home and it was 2 hours past his haircut time so I thought I’d check his location to see if he was on his way home. We began sharing locations a few months prior when we would go biking by ourselves. His location showed him at a strip club. When he got home I asked what he did and he said he hung out with friends. I asked what he really did and he told me he went to the strip club with a friend. I said I don’t necessarily mind strip clubs, we have gone to one together, but that I’d prefer a heads up if he’s out with friends and they decide to go together. Feeling insecure I looked through his phone and found out that he in fact went by himself. I brought it up to him admitting I was wrong going through his phone and he said he lied because he felt like a loser going by himself. He admitted that he had a problem with strip clubs in his past.
Last night he went to a friends for a beer after work. It was getting late so I checked his location and he was at the strip club. When he got home he acted normal but I was clearly upset and when he asked what’s wrong I said where’d you go tonight and he said the strip club with a friend. He left the room and then came back acting normal and I said oh no we’re talking about this. He said I told you where I went like you asked so I didn’t think you’d be upset. I said I’d asked for a heads up. I then said the last time you told me you were with a friend and that was a lie so did you really go with your friend and he said yes. I said can I see some proof of that and he said there is none. I said you didn’t call or text you both just knew where to be and when and he admitted going by himself. I asked if he had paid anyone any money or if anyone had touched him and he said no he had talked to two girls and they offered lap dances and he told them it wouldn’t be right. I told him that I hate that I can’t trust him and feel like I have to check his location and ask for proof like I did.
I slept in the guest room and now am trying to figure out what I want to do. I don’t want to accept his lying to me but I also don’t want to blow up my entire life. We own a house together and have a dog. Yesterday I spent an hour planning how we’re finally going to merge our finances. Two weeks ago he was going to ask my parents permission to propose. We’ve discussed what we want to do for a wedding. I don’t feel like I can talk to anyone in my life about it because it’s embarrassing and I don’t want them to think ill of him if we do stay together. I caught my dad cheating on my mom when I was younger and never told anyone except my current partner so I have insecurities about that.
I don’t know what to do and would love to hear some perspectives. Is this worth blowing my life up over?