My boyfriend 33M and I 30F have been for almost 2 years together. About a year ago I started to feel uncomfortable with his girl best friend 32F.
There has been several times where I have brought the topic that I feel uncomfortable with his best girl friend. It started when she invited him to her graduation to another country, at the time we had another trip planned, so he couldn’t go. I’ve seen some messages that for me looked out of line and told him about it. But I think the biggest issue here is that every time I would bring up this issue he was very reactive and each time we ended up in fight and super mentally drained for days. After a week ago it was the first time he sat with me and was calmed and we kind of talk through it. That talk helped me a lot and he deliberately told me from now forward if I need some reassurances he will give it to me the best way possible. The thing is, this is the first time (in the 5-6 times I tried to bring the topic about his best girlfriend ) that he is responsive. I don’t understand if I really feel uncomfortable with his best friend or it is just because of the reactions I got from him. I know he changed the way he was talking to her, he reduced a lot talking to her. They still talk maybe twice a week but I think they don’t write a lot to each other. Right now his best friend is not a menace, she is not even close to us. We have never been the 3 of us together ( it is difficult we live in different countries). But for the other hand about 7-8 month ago I found text messages between them that I found kind of emotional cheating. Example. She was very affectionate with him, she expresses a lot that she loves him, she calls him baby, my love…at some point they would text each other everyday to the point that I was talking to him or sending him reels maybe and he did not answer me but was answering her. Twice he asked me if my “insecurity” was because she is beautiful ? The first time he asked was for her graduation. For me was a surprise and I really said that for me it was kind of weird to stay at the same place with her (then he said he was going to rent an airbnb) but the thing is I invited him first to visit my best friend. So that was mostly why I said I wasn’t comfortable him going. I’m really bothered by this situation and tire of bringing it up, but I feel he can not set good boundaries with her.
From my heart I really wish I feel comfortable with the relationship they have and move on. But I’m having some resentment because I feel I can’t talk to him freely.
TL:DR I 30F my boyfriend 33M several times I expressed to my boyfriend that I didn’t felt comfortable with his relationship with his girl best friend. This is the first time we had a passive talk but I still have the same feeling.