I’m a 33F Asian ‘happily’ married to a 33M Asian. We have been dating for about 7 years prior to marriage.
My husband has been really amazing. He really loves me (kisses me, hugs me, tells me he loves me very frequently, irons my clothes, does laundry, cleans the house). He is also good looking. I mean he is literally everything you can ask for in a man except for when it comes to sex!
I am a very open minded person, I assumed we never had sex before marriage as he respected our culture. Unfortunately it has been a sexless marriage for the past 5 years.
Initially I’ve been extremely frustrated but shy to bring this issue up. The one time I confronted him, it became an argument and quickly made me feel like I’m not cultured enough for bringing this topic up. He even said at multiple occasions that marriage is not about sex. He gave multiple reasons for refusal- claiming he feels extremely ticklish & he does not know what to do (PS he works under healthcare). The most we have done is kiss. Whenever I touch him further he pushes me away saying he is ticklish. And if I go further he says I’m purposely doing it knowing that he can’t take it. We have never even seen each other naked. And honestly whatever love that I had for him has been wearing off. I can’t even recall when I last initiated kissing him because I know that it’s not going to become anything more intimate.
Most of the time I’m just wondering if he is gay. I’ve confronted him once about it and it pissed him off. And there was once he said it’s because we are not ready to have kids. I mean how dumb can a person be to know that having sex is not equal to wanting to have kids now. Also being an Asian, his mother has been bugging me on when I’m going to give her grandkids.
I’ve been focusing on my career and let this past trying to not let it haunt me. However it is getting more and more frustrating as I am a very sensual person. I do not know how to bring it up anymore as everytime I talk about it, the isn’t any conclusion. I mean it’s been so many years, anyone else would have left the relationship. I don’t even know why I’m staying- like I said except for absence of sex; he is really a gem.
What should I do? I pretty much know communication is the key solution; but it is so hard to communicate about this.