** final update. I decided it was best to call it a day. Thank you to everyone who shared helpful insights and opinions.
I’m devastated but think it’s the right decision.
** Update:
After we spoke about it briefly and I told her what happened from my POV she was extremely upset and crying. I ask for her to stay away from me for the rest of the night and I slept in one of the spare rooms. I texted this morning when I got to work asking for her to have a serious think about what she wants to say as I told her how I perceived her reaction and asked her to evaluate the situation and be honest with herself and me about what she would do if the shoe was on the other foot. This was her response:
“I know you said you dont want to talk about it over message at work but I feel like I need to just say that it’s definitely never happened before, please don’t worry about that, I promise I’ve never done anything even near as close to that before in my life or with/to you
And I genuinely was blackout from pretty much that Piccolo game onwards. My reaction yesterday was purely because I was so shocked to hear of my disgusting behaviour that I didn’t even realise i was capable of as it goes against everything I believe in
And I am trying to wrap my head around what the actual f happened and why would do this stuff to someone I obviously love so much. I genuinely can’t understand what was going through my head
I take responsibility for being an absolute idiot and for drinking far too much to the point my brain doesn’t even morally function. It’s safe to say I’m never going to be drinking that much again and am taking this very seriously
My heart absolutely breaks for you as this is the last thing I would ever want to put you through”
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For full context, myself (M28) and my partner (F29) have been dating for 3 years at this point in time. My partner is extremely loving and clingy to me all the time so there is no existing fracture in our relationship. We recently decided to catch up with a couple of friends for dinner and some drinks. They are the same age and a hetero-couple, also. The dinner was really nice and we had quite a few drinks which, again, were really nice. Once we left the bar, we decided to carry on the party and kept drinking back at our house.
Everything was going well, we were playing a couple drinking games and the intoxication levels were definitely rising quickly as the night was going on. Then we started playing this one particular party game, which starts off innocent until you introduce different levels. That is where things began heating up. I am a particularly private person at the best of times and I get quite uncomfortable discussing my sexual life especially past sexual encounters that don’t involve my current partner. However, I participated in the game because there were only 4 of us, so I didn’t want to kill the mood or anything.
My partner was getting increasingly more drunk and it was becoming noticeable. Soon, she was flashing her tits to everyone and whilst the other women present was trying to cover my partner up, she was not taking the hint and kept doing it anyway. Fast forward a bit and the other woman left the room to go to the bathroom, and the party game we were playing had a card saying for my partner to kiss 2 players in the game or “take a penalty” which is essentially a sip of your drink. So, she’s faced with a decision. Kiss me and wait for the other female, kiss myself and the other male player or take a penalty. She decided to kiss the other male. I did not expect or think she would have done this and it didn’t sit well with me.
Then, my partner started making sexual comments toward the other female player. I could tell she was not comfortable but played it off. As you can imagine, the other male player is now smelling blood in the water. You must also bear in mind that my partner in the 3 years we have been together has never been overly sexual or spoken of any desire to hook up with another woman or man, so I was shocked by this behaviour.
Then, the final part which is where I drew the line. I went to the bathroom and when I returned the other female was acting very strangely. I asked what was happening and found that my partner was trying to convince her into sexual activities. The other female said she felt uncomfortable but more so because she was not comfortable with doing anything sexual with me – which is fine because I felt the same way – to which my partner then said “okay, but then if it’s just us 3 though?” This is where I lost it. Not only did my partner/the 3 of them sneakily bring it up whilst I was in the bathroom, but the fact she entertained the idea of excluding me in the process particularly hurt.
The outcome of this is that I have now lost trust in my partner as well as feeling disgust towards her now. I don’t want to be around her and I don’t know if I want to be with her anymore. I know that my pride/ego is hurt, but I don’t think I’m being fragile. I’m a believer that alcohol brings out peoples true selves.