OLD doesn’t work for me, because I tend to slowly become obsessed with it and start to become very superficial to the point that when I enter a room and my mind scans the space immediately giving me yes and no on every girl based on whether they could be a possible partner or not, which I really dislike.
I live a great life with the exception of when I use OLD for sometime which is why I’ve decided to just not use them anymore, have a job I love, have pretty good physical, mental, emotional and spiritual health, am comfortable with discomfort and vulnerability, boundaries and communication in general, secure attachment, amazing friends, great relationship with family, learn lots all the time, open minded and despite what this paragraph makes me sound like humble too because I know there is many things I can learn. Appearance wise pretty much average with above average physique and not much style in terms of clothing (this is a work in progress also tips appropriated)
With in person dating I have an issue that wasn’t the case with OLD which I just don’t know what to do about and would love some advice on.
During last year I’ve met 8 girls whom I really liked and could see us being long term partners. We exchange bunch of texts, voice notes, meet up (one on one situations and group) and when I know enough to make a good assessment of compatibility (this has taken between 3 days to 3 weeks depending on the depth of conversations and time spent together) I quite simply ask them out.
Just about everyone has given me slight variation of the same response.
Usually they seem surprised (even if they try to hide it, and say “I feel a heart connection with you, but not sexually”, “I really enjoy your company me am flattered but I’d like to be friends”.
And they do try to remain friends and keep in contact (which I sometime decline and sometimes not depending on if I can really be friends with them without secretly wanting more).
Can someone explain what is going on in these situations?