for reference, i (24f, virgin) am going to meet my bf (m20, had sex once before a few years ago) for the first time in his home town in less than a month. we have both thoroughly discussed the probability of us having sex in the week that we are spending together, and we are both taking steps to make sure it's safe if it happens. however the more i think about it, the more i get nervous that things might not pan out like expected and my lack of experience will ruin things.
my entrance fits 2 fingers perfect and shallow movement feels pretty nice, but i don't *feel* much when i curl my fingers or go deep. 3 fingers is when it starts to hurt and be uncomfortable, and i can't really thrust them without just wanting to remove them after a minute or two. i also have a dildo i bought in an attempt to maybe try getting used to it, but i can't even fit the tip inside. it's a 6in dildo that's about an inch in girth, which (for me) seems like average, so the fact i can't fit any part of it inside of me worries me a lot. i've been using clitoral stimulation to masturbate since i learned how to do it and i've been trying to refrain from doing so for the month leading up to seeing him so maybe it'll be easier to …. "relax"… down there enough for penetration, but i don't know. even when i'm super turned on and alone, i just can't seem to make it work.
also, for those wondering, lubrication is not a problem for me. i get very wet very easily but that hardly ever helps.
members of this subreddit— does everything change when you're finally alone with another person? is performance anxiety in women a thing? any advice would be appreciated! <3