Descrip: during conversation, girlfriend screenshots and shares my very vulnerable texts about myself with family member and family friend, twice.
We’ve dated for about a 1 year. I suffer from a mental health disorder, which makes my emotions and thoughts seem MORE than they are. She has always been there to support me. We have some MAJOR issues regarding other aspects of the relationship (refer to my other posts) but when it comes to my mental state, she is my fucking cheerleader…the amount of work and energy it takes to be in a relationship with someone who suffers from my particular issue is astronomical. I cannot give enough praise or express enough gratitude to those of you who are the “normal” ones in the relationship and I’d like to acknowledge that it is far from easy.…unfortunately this is not a gratitude or praise post though.
A few days ago, I was really going through it. I was doing my usual thing with my girl, just venting and getting out my thoughts. These thoughts are like secrets, they are not things I share with others. They are my ugly and embarrassing demons that I fight. The demons that make us feel weak and come off as weak. You get the point. I was being vulnerable with my girlfriend which I’ve done time and time again with no problem….
During my little “moment”, I started getting texts from two people who (for privacy purposes I won’t go into detail) are very close with my girlfriend (one of which being a family member) and for the last 4 months have been getting closer with me, hopefully with many more months/years to come…just gotta keep workin cuz it works 😉
Their texts were extremely supportive and was just them reaching a hand out if I need it, which I appreciated deeply. At this point, I knew my gf had said something to someone, and while slightly embarrassing, I appreciated it. Fast forward a few hours later and I am with one of the two people. They are dropping words of wisdom on me. They are talking about the struggles I have talked about and how to deal with them (I work with 2 different therapists, this individual is not one of them but is kinda similar)
Something IMPORTANT is that I have only SLIGHTLY opened up to this person about my struggles. So when they brought up one of my struggles that I DID NOT share with them, a struggle that I had ONLY shared over text with my girlfriend, I knew something was up.
I see my girlfriend later, ask her if she had reached out to them. She said yes and that’s fine. I asked her if she told them what I was saying. She said she had briefly told them the gist of everything going on. Which was obviously bullshit. I then asked her if she had screenshotted our messages and sent them to those people (she has done this before with situations of us arguing). She admitted she had sent screenshots of our conversation and then shared them with those people because she didn’t know how to help me and knew they were better equipped to do so. She had also told them both NOT to tell me she did this because I would be upset. As much as I wanted to be upset, like really upset, I understood her reasoning. I understood her wanting to help me and asking others for assistance to do so.
While I understood her reasoning, I was still upset about literal photos of our texts being sent to those people. Like I said, those are like secrets to me. I was not ready to share those things with one of the individuals yet and never in a million years would I have shared, in that depth, with my girlfriend’s family member. I wish I could explain this better but it makes everything so uncomfortable and upsetting. What’s done is done and I let it go, kinda. Upset but not necessarily mad.
I asked her NOT to tell either of them that I know that they know about what was in the texts. I hoped this would just blow over and the vibe could go from weird and secretive to open and welcoming. She PROMISED not to tell either of them and repeatedly apologized for what she did and said she’d never do something like that again… what do you think she did the next day? She told her family member that I know that they all were talking about me behind my back and about like really deep stuff. And the way she brought it up to the family member, “don’t ask me about him anymore, I’m not allowed to talk about it….”, is absolutely wild. That is not exactly what she said but it’s damn near the same thing. I know come off as a closed off dick who is attempting to control my girlfriend. WHEN ALL I WANT IS FOR MY PRIVACY TO BE RESPECTED AND TO HAVE A SAFE PLACE TO VOICE MY SHIT!
So now, even after having some of my biggest demons and secrets put on display, I am the bad guy again. it’s too ridiculous not to laugh at.
My question for everyone is what do I do next?