I've realized as I entered my 20s I constantly feel alone. It's like I'm constantly surrounded by people but I don't have anyone I can fully lean on. My bestfriends (who I love dearly) are all self proclaimed "low maintenance besties" so they can go months without talking or seeing eachother, That makes me the outlier in this friend group. I am a high maintenance person I guess? I would like to hangout at least once a week, talk to eachother atleast once a day, and just feel like I can lean on them. But a series of instances made me realize that I don't think I trust them enough to do that anymore.
They don't really check on me unless I ask them to (which nobody wants to force their friends to care), I don't tell them anything really important going on in my life becauseI feel like they don't care, they don't tell me anything super bad going in in their life or anything really important until like months later. I just don't feel like a good portion of my friend group cares about me. I'm depressed and suicidal, I feel alone all the time and I know I can't tell them because that would be burdening them with something they have said is alot of work they don't want to do. I've had to mute one of my bestfriends stories because I was getting sad over the fact that she could have these long convos and be much more enthusiastic with someone she just met 2 years ago. All my friends are getting into relationships and spend most of their time on that, or they have other friends they prefer hanging out with.
I have social anxiety that makes it very hard for me to talk to other people and make friends so I just constantly feel this unrelenting sense of doom, for when they outgrow me and start spending time with their other friends over me. I was borderline agoraphobic and I didn't tell them. I struggle with an eating disorder and they haven't checked on me since then. I just don't think they really care about what's going on in my life really. I just feel constantly out of place in the world and I don't even feel safe enough to talk about it with anyone. I love my friends and they love me but they have told me I'm a bit overbearing (I call to much, I expect to much from them, etc). I even asked if they want me to give them space in their life and 2 out of 3 of them said they weren't sure and they need to think on it. Idk everything just seems out of reach and I'm so so sad everyday because I just feel alone. I don't know if I should tell any of them this though, I feel like it would be a burden
1 comment
Sounds like you need to talk to a therapist/counselor