Me 20F and my boyfriend 21M started dating the day after he broke up with his abusive ass girlfriend. We’d been best friends for months before and I helped him through his relationship and helped him leave it. I’ve had a similar relationship in the past, so I think we became very close over that. We’ve spent almost every single day together since we’ve started dating. He is genuinely the best person I’ve ever met before and I’m so in love with him. We’ve both been through a lot. However, he was very open with me about everything off the bat and it took me awhile to open up to him the same. He has only been with me and one other person, but I’ve slept with over 15 people. I was so caught up in my shame that I lied about how many people I slept with. He then found out and started asking me a lot of detailed questions about what I’ve done with other people. I then lied about some of that too. I can use the excuse that I didn’t want him to to feel insecure, but the fact is just that I lied more. He kept asking about extreme details and eventually I told him that I lied about some of those things too. Now he probably knows way too much detail about my sexual past. Now he is broken. He’s depressed and doesn’t eat and tells me that I don’t love him and I’m so worried about him. I was so immature in this situation because none of this would’ve happened if I had just told him how many people I slept with off the bat. I don’t want to have a relationship with lies and secrets, and I know I was wrong for lying to him. The damage is done already though. I don’t know what to do because he says he loves me and he still wants to be with me, but some days he’s just so miserable and I know it’s because of me. I don’t want to just leave him to fix the things that I broke because I love him and care about him so deeply. I don’t want to just walk away, but I don’t know if he’d be happier without me. But like I said, I don’t want to just cop out cause this is the mess that I made and I can’t imagine my life without him. I’m sticking by his side and I’m trying to be patient, but can the one who hurt you help you? Is this fixable? I’m so lost. I was just supposed to be the healthy relationship to heal him from all that he’s been through and I just damaged him more. I don’t know what to do.
TLDR: I lied to my boyfriend about how many people I slept with and now he says he is broken