TLDR: Girlfriend doesn't initiate sex in otherwise very good relationship. Makes me feel bad. We sit down and discuss it. She agrees to intitate more. She proceeds to NOT initiate more. Wonders why I'm upset. Cycle repeats for 9+ months. Wanting advice on possible reasons for her behaviour, and things I can do to resolve the issue.
Hello! As the title says, my girlfriend does not initiate sex with me, ever. When we do have sex (imitated by me), we have really good, enthusiastic sex – we both enjoy it a lot, we both do what each other likes, etc.
However, despite being together for ~3 years, she has initiated sex probably less than 10 times in the entire relationship. I have attempted to communicate to her that this makes me feel unattractive and undesired by her. We have sat down and had numerous discussions about this over the last ~9 months: how it makes me feel, any reason why she behaves that way, anything I can do to help her feel more comfortable initiating, whether I have upset her in any way, I have approached this from every angle possible with no progress. Never blamed her, just wanted to get to the root of the problem.
Each time we discuss it, she says that she is happy to initiate more, and that she will start doing it. However, it never happens. It just goes back to the same routine where starting sex is entirely my responsibility.
Side note, but not the main focus: the exact same thing has happened when I have expressed interest in a couple of VERY mild, harmless kinks – she says she would be very keen to try it out, and then never actually does.
Please help! We have a really good relationship otherwise – we don't fight, we have a good balance of couple time and individual time, we're both good with housework and cooking and general life things, etc.
I don't know what to do and I feel very undesirable.