Hi! I guess im looking for an outsiders perspective on this situation as I’m maybe biased by social anxiety and loneliness.
I (27F) have felt a bit lonely and isolated for quite a few years. I have a partner and a couple low maintenance and busy friends.
I have confided in my loneliness to one of my work friends who I have known a long time (7 years) and occasionally meet up with outside of work. When he told me he was meeting up with other coworkers I knew well (known a few years via work, have good rapport with and similar humour) I expressed I’d be keen to join on future meets. He said of course, but said they didn’t really meet up often and it was mostly for running between the guys of the group (and not respective gfs).
This was a year ago now and last week I was asked for the first time to join a group outing. All plans were trickled through to me by my work friend (let’s call him Rob).
On the outing I really picked up the familiarity of the group between each other and the frequent references to past meet ups (in the near past). I felt a weird conflict of hurt this was the first time I’d been asked (when my friend knew my situation) and maybe wanting to feel grateful they were including me now(?). Also that my friend had implied they weren’t meeting up as often as they clearly were, and had clearly omitted telling me when I’d asked about social plans in small talk.
There was also a lot of reference to their group chat on which they’d planned this outing. Over the week hearing plans via Rob I’d thought it odd there didn’t seem to be a central chat to organise, but assumed it was maybe being planned in their running chat instead (where my presence would obvs be inappropriate). But there was a wider social chat I wasn’t part of.
This situation has left me feeling a bit distrustful that I’m almost being purposefully kept on the outer edge of the group. To reiterate – I get on and know 5/6 group members and have done so for several years via work and occasional social activities. It almost feels a bit like my friend Rob is maybe being the social gatekeeper here. There is also one group member who I think doesn’t like me, I think jealously as she is bitter of people who are doing well at work (not just me) but we coexist and I get on well with everyone else.
I’ve decided to just observe how things go over the next few months. I thanked ppl for the invite, said I’d be keen to meet up again and contributed petrol money ect. I know there was chat about plans in the summer so I guess if there’s no follow up then that’s that. The clicky vibe makes me currently uneasy though and im not sure how to feel about that, whether Rob suddenly remembered his past promise and invited me one time to alleviate any guilt (again this maybe social anxiety but I find it a bit off).
Thoughts/comments appreciated!