Throw away because we check Reddit together.
As the title suggests, my(32F) fiancé (36M) and I have recently had a discussion about me feeling a little insecure in our relationship.
He is a very kind and charismatic man and we have been together for 4 years (engaged and living together for 1year). We have never had major issues like this before because we have always been transparent with one another.
2 months ago, a new girl (24F) began working at his office. She is very young and based on our limited interactions, seems generally good-hearted but, I kept having a growing feeling that something was off.
He had been coming home every day raving about her and how nice it is to have someone in the office who understands and laughs at his jokes. It seemed like an innocent work friendship but, he started to give me other details from their conversations that had me concerned.
For instance, she would announce to him when she was ovulating or starting her period as an "excuse" for being grumpy or overly touchy. She began describing, in detail, all of the sexual encounters she has had since moving to our city and he was relaying some of these stories back to me as if they were exciting work stories.
Two weeks ago, I met her for the first time at a company dinner. I told her it was nice to finally meet her after hearing so much about her. She smiled, ignored me, and began talking to my fiancé about how different I was from her expectations. The next week, she had apparently been talking a lot at work about how pretty she thought I was and how lucky my partner and I are to have found one another. It felt strange that she had a lot to say about me but didn’t even speak to me when we had a chance to interact. I chalked it up to being nervous or shy.
Last week, my fiancé came home with a very detailed story that she told him about a failed sexual encounter, "seeking advice". I felt very uncomfortable with this and let him know that, while it's likely just my insecurity, I don't trust this sort of behavior. He told me to give it time and once I get to know her, I'll see it's completely innocent. She asked him to meet up with her over the weekend and he went so far as to arrange a meeting (without telling me until the day before). We had originally made dinner plans with my parents and he told me he would come later on because he needed to meet with her to discuss her relationship problems. I very passionately told him that this is not ok and he cancelled his plans with her adding that it was "cute" that I was getting so jealous of her. We had a short chat about it later and he said he would establish some distance.
This Monday, after work, she called his personal phone. She said he had not sent her any jokes at work that day and she wanted to know why. I told him he needed to set boundaries, immediately. It's fine to be friendly with people in the office but, it really felt excessive that she was calling because he was enacting some kind of boundaries. I was upset that he had given her access to private communication line, as well. He said he would just tell her he was busy with work and the thought to send jokes didn’t cross his mind. And I thought that would be the end of the conversation.
Today, he came home from work sulking and refused to talk with me. Eventually, he told me that he explained to her that I was feeling insecure about how close their friendship had become and she said that she didn't want to make me uncomfortable so, she said she wouldn't speak to him, at all, anymore. He was crying and told me that she's just like a younger sister (he's an only child) and he was happy that she trusted him but, he was forced to end the relationship because of me. I apologized and told him that I had expected him to keep my feelings private and adjust his behavior rather than telling her everything. He said that would be dishonest and he didn't want to distance himself from her without making her aware of the situation. I asked him why it was so important for him to discuss very personal and NSFW topics with a younger woman that he has only known for 2 months. He angrily expressed to me that I’m trying to police his joy and said that I'm just upset that he's been "too happy" since meeting her. He said I should have never brought it up.
I feel that him telling all of this to his coworker is a breech of my trust in him.
He is convinced that I ruined their relationship by being jealous.
I feel really bad because he was very happy at work and was happy about joking around and having lunch with her but, he said that because of me, they can’t have any kind of relationship at all.
Was my expression of feeling insecure the catalyst? Should I have kept this to myself?
Edit: Thank you all for your advice and particularly for the articles about emotional affairs. I am going to have a discussion with him tonight and be completely honest about my feelings and go over some of the signs. I’ll let you know how it goes.