What do you think about “If you want to get over someone, you need to get under someone”?

26 comments

1. I think it’s a rationalization that some people use when they are trying to distract themselves from the end of a relationship and aren’t actually ready to engage with someone else.

   It’s not something I find value in as a concept, and I didn’t have any desire to invite unnecessary drama into my life, so I didn’t participate in that activity.

2. you never need to get laid by someone new to get over someone. It’s just temporary distraction and only works short term. To get over someone, you need to accept what happened, reflect and heal first… and then once you faced your demons and healed then you get under someone! (Talking from experience lol)

   For some it’ll take 2 months and for some it’ll take 5 or more. Gotta be patient with yourself and listen to your body.

3. Sounds familiar… almost like a Dua Lipa song or something.

4. Get under their bed, then.. *pop!* “remember me!?”

5. It’s a naive stance that reduces humans to sex. We are so much more than that and healing takes time and patience, not random hookups.

6. Giving people piggy back rides would be distracting.

7. Personally, this worked out for me superbly for one experience in my life. Very grateful for it. But then again, it wasn’t just “getting under” him. We had a genuine connection, which helped us have some lighthearted fun in a safe space. Tho of course that connection was low-key and MUCH lighter than what I had with the guy I was trying to get over.

8. I think it’s an unfortunate way to cope with the feelings of a breakup. It makes me think that you aren’t capable of being alone. Or that you desperately need validation.

   Which y’know I understand why you’d have those feelings after a breakup. I just don’t really support people using other people as a means to cope (sex, in this case). I don’t really like treating people as just another body or distraction.

   people are free to do as they please, but I don’t think this is a good way to get over a breakup. that requires patience, self-reflection, and self love.

9. Sounds like no!

10. If the only way you can process your emotions is by distracting yourself from them then go right ahead.

    Post-break up is the time for reflection and self-discovery. Losing yourself in someone new as a way of numbing yourself to the pain doesn’t actually serve you.

    You are much more likely to relive the same mistakes you’ve made in previous relationships if you don’t take the necessary time to process.

    If the relationship that ended was superficial or short-lived then it may not matter.

    If enough time has passed and you are still stuck on someone and unable to move on then even sleeping with someone new won’t get you there and more likely will just make you even more unhappy and regretful.

11. It’s BS! You need to heal yourself before you get into another relationship. I made that mistake when my ex left 6 years ago. He married someone else within and month. They’re still happy together while I’m single. At 28, I jumped into dating way faster than I should have thinking “if he could do it, so could I” and dealing with my pesky biological clock. I wish I would’ve worked on my own healing first since I didn’t make the “progress” I anticipated and I’m just burnt out by it all.

12. Nope. I want nothing that will bring chaos to my life.

13. .. Sexual relationships aren’t math equations so I say it’s old stupid Sex and the City type of bullshit.

14. I just did this. My soon to be ex husband left me a month ago and was almost immediately on dating apps. I felt so rejected and unlovable and just wanted to feel wanted, I knew it was wrong and I felt guilty about it afterwards but then I asked myself why? Why still be “loyal” to someone that doesn’t want you? Sex was very important in my relationship and it was amazing, honestly I had convinced myself that I was never going to have great sex ever again but that’s not the case. It felt good in that moment but I wish I hadn’t done it.

15. It definitely helps. Sometimes the tough part of a break up is wondering if you’ll find someone again, if you’re still attractive, if you can be comfortable connecting with someone else. A little rebound helps that reset.

16. At some point I accidentally ended up with a human palate cleanser of sorts, that is a friend I have casual sex with whenever I have a breakup. I don’t know if it’s just like a pattern/ritual my subconscious picks up on because it coincidentally happened a couple times but for some reason it really does help me move on.

17. depends- everyone is different in how they need to deal with it. for me it works tho so ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ if it aint broke don’t fix it?

18. I think it’s stupid advice and doesn’t work. Trying to sleep your way out of emotional pain is incredibly misguided.

19. Nope, no way. Sounds like something a manipulator would say.

20. I don’t really endorse it because I don’t think it’s that simple, but it was something that worked for me at one point in my life after being stuck in perpetual mourning state of a shitty relationship ending for over a year. It snapped me out that and I could finally move on.

21. Rebounding is just a distraction, and can even prolong the heartbreak when you aren’t dealing with your emotions directly. It can also potentially negatively effect the person you’re sleeping with, so it really is a selfish act. But I understand the pain of adding horrific loneliness to heartbreak, so its important to surround yourself with friends and family instead.

22. I broke up with my boyfriend and I was so broken . But instead of dealing with it I dated someone less than 3 weeks later. He was in the army and they sent him to Belgium. We had fun for about 5 months and he was a great distraction but when he was gone it hit me even harder it would have if I just took the time off and worked through it. I will never do that again.

23. It works for me but, I wouldn’t recommend it for most people especially if they don’t communicate their intentions clearly and early on to the other party. Works for me cause I’m honest with myself and the other party. If I’m “rebounding” then it is either for someone I actually like and am going to end up in a committed LTR with or something that both parties have agreed is just casual. I’m always honest and upfront about being fresh out of a relationship and am so against leading people on. Also, I can’t like two people at once, so if I find someone else to like then that means I am over the last person.

24. The first and last person who said this in my presence was a roommate who proceeded to bang the best man’s best friend resulting in a reorganizing of my wedding party after the fallout it caused. So imo this is a trash persons selfish justification to cause problems to ‘make themselves feel better’. Immature at best.

25. Absolutely totally true. Removes your mind from the old relationship.

26. It really depends on the reasons you’re struggling to get over someone. I’d say that rebound hookups have only ever helped me if I was feeling depressed/fearful about whether I’d ever find another partner who was into me; the hookup provided some validation that that wasn’t true.

    But for most types of heartbreaks/breakups, I haven’t found rebounds to be helpful. They usually just leave me feeling worse, even more alone, and sexually unsatisfied.