I’ve always been shy but now it’s so bad that I’m scared to talk to people on video calls, I have trouble even going out to public places I’d rather just be at home. I don’t like talking to people I just push them away and mind my own business, like a girl said hi to me and I said hi back and that was it I literally just shut down and want to be left alone. One time back in high school I actually acted rude to a girl subconsciously I think it’s because i was scared of saying or doing something to embarrass myself or them thinking I wasn’t as good as they thought. Whenever I meet girls I would love to just be able to be friendly and talk but instead I just stay quiet even around friends, it’s like I want to be left alone and introverted but at the same time I want to talk and get to know someone but every time I try to force myself to talk it feels abnormal and I don’t like the feeling that I’m being forced so I just stop and mind my own business. First I thought it was low confidence, then social anxiety, then avoidant personality disorder and then extreme shyness I just don’t know. I do notice I have a worry/ anxiety issue especially with my health constantly looking up symptoms worried about something I could have, also when I get scolded at work I feel super sensitive and could cry easily. Recently I had an online appointment with a therapist not work out because of technical difficulties and I really wanted to talk to them so I tried my best to fix it fast but the time was already almost done and I just got so mad and frustrated I started tearing up almost like a tantrum. Definitely going to see a psychologist but please let me know your thoughts or if there’s any psychologists on here.
3 comments
I understand the frustration mate. My reply is going to explain what I think is the issue based on what you said, and then provide a small bit of help before you get the professional help
Try not to be too hard on yourself to where you’re punishing yourself because we live in a world where mental healthiness isn’t spoken about.
I’m not diagnosing you with anything but I am saying that:
We can easily say ” I’ve lived with (insert physical disability/illness) but I saw similar people to me overcome it so I’m going to keep pushing”. Conversely, it’s harder to say that for mental issues which is often an “invisible” trait
My point is that because you’re MENTALLY suffering, I can imagine the loneliness of battling with how to speak up and not shut down on people who can’t PHYSICALLY/LITERALLY sense your trauma
You’re not alone though, for now I know there’s a lot of content on places like Reddit and YouTube for a start. Loads of books, podcasts and journalling phone apps that you could be using
Ultimately even though you couldn’t get in contact with Professional Help easily, there are Pre-Made resources made by professionals and reputable philosophers/role models to help you
Here’s a book recommendation (I hope it’s a good one): “How To Win Friends and Influence People” it’s quite popular
Yessir I’m 18 here never dated. Don’t worry, I ain’t seeing myself dating in the next year either BUT im trying to identify shit that I don’t do well and fix them.
Aka like u I am bad at video calling. I think I’ve mastered texting and hell even flirting inside texting but talking is not the same. So I started video calling ppl.
And u want believe it but it’s not that bad. Like shit it’s just too talking if u don’t think too hard about it. And once you do it once u gain confidence that u walk in knowing it’s not that bad. Then it gets better.
Just move up like that. After vid calling go take a walk with someone and try talking. Lmao I did all of this to practice how to pull before I’m off to college but if u have different goals, it fs applies too. Peace and good luck!
Great to know you are actively looking for therapy. Keep at it.
It’s okay to have not dated till 19,20,25,30,etc. Not everyone grows at the same pace. Don’t give into peer pressure. Also don’t jump to date the first girl who says “Hi” or becomes friends with you.
If you have female cousins your age speak to them.
If you work and your workplace has female employees casually speak to them. If you have neighbours/classmates speak to them too. Always with an intention to friendly not with an intention of having them as potential gf.
Some points you can speak of:-
If you meet someone at school:-
1. Hi, i am xyz. Nice to meet you. I am currently in x semester of abc course. What do you major in? / Which class are you headed for?
2. With a classmate: Hi, my name is xyz. Seems like you and i have similar mindsets on this topic.. can we do this assignment/project/seminar together?
At work:-
1. Hey, hi, i am xyz. I joined in a month ago. I don’t believe I’ve met you. I work in the morning/night shift. Something that you really like about that place – can be a joke too. What’s something that you like here?
Always ask something about the other person so that the onus to keep the conversation falls on them and you can be a silent listener for a few minutes. Until you calm down your nerves atleast. Oonce into it you can keep the conversation going.
There’s a 100% chance of many hiccups , power through it. It’ll be worth it!
I’d suggest you read “how to make friends and influence people” by Dale Carnegie. They have a audiobook version too. It helped me. Hope it helps you too!
Till you find a partner live your life and appreciate your single life. Everyone wants a comforting partner, agreed, but you cannot be happy as a couple if you are not happy being single.