My relationship with my boyfriend is going on 6 years. We met in college, and we're both soon finishing our degrees. We're planning on moving out together and everything getting married. But this past week I've been so upset and torn about ending things. I cry eveytime I think about it. This isn't the first time, and I've broken up with him after 3 years when I realized I kept begging him to be more caring and show more effort. But it's back again. In our relationship I've always had a job and he hasn't. I've always been the one to fund our dates/ activities. He got a job 6 months ago. I've noticed i still pay for the majority of our activities. And that's fine. His money isn't mine. But a week ago I couldn't use my card at a grocery store because the chip and magnet strip weren't working. I asked him if he'd be okay with buying my food and I will pay him back as soon as we get to my bank. He said yes, then as he went to pay he said very loudly. "I'm actually gonna need you to pay me back like right after this okay?" I was embarrassed but I said yes we then went, I pulled out 20$ for my 16$ worth of food he got me. It slowly started to bother me why he was so concerned I wouldn't pay him back. All these years I've heald him down payed for everything, never asking for money back. I've even payed for his mom's Christmas gifts so he would have stuff to give her that he didn't use her credit card for. I talked to him about it and how it hurt me to know he wasn't willing to help me out. But like I said his money is his and I shouldn't expect him to pay for anything. He doesn't pay for gas or rent or his school. Now our birthdays are coming up. My parents and friends are all gonna be out of town. And I realized I've planned surprise partys for his last 3 birthdays. I've taken him out and made a day out of it for him to make him feel special every year we have been together . He's never done that for me. Now I'm having anxiety over losing my relationship. I don't know if I should keep asking and begging him to do nice things for me. We have a great time otherwise. He's funny and loves me very much, we have similar views points. We can talk for hours. But I feel like my effort put in to our relationship outweighs his by so much. I don't want to get an apartment and get married if I'm gonna be a mom who only gets a bathrobe for Christmas and my birthday every year. I don't want to break up but I feel like if I don't do it now, that later down the line it will be harder. And talking about it gets me a month of kissing my ass but no actions. I don't know if I'm being selfish or stupid. I just need advice.
Sorry for long post.
Thank you for reading.