I’m 25M. 6 months ago me and my gf split up. She dumped me. But I understand why and tbh it wasn’t working.
That doesn’t mean I didn’t really love her. There were a lot of issues and one glaring one was that I didn’t feel very attracted to her anymore. Add in long distance and that’s not a good combo. But I still deeply cared about her. I still do. I feel a lot of guilt about how i felt towards the end. I didn’t want to feel that way.
We haven’t talked in a while now. We’re still on good terms but it hurts to communicate.
I have a potential date with a girl from hinge coming up. Id like to go. She’s honestly beautiful and way out of my league. And I feel excited a girl like that wants to get a drink with me. But I feel immense guilt when I think about it too. I visualise my ex all upset coz she’s seen I’m with someone else and it hurts to think about that. Even though she ended it.
I’m struggling with this. The guilt has been getting me quite depressed in general.
Any advice on how to deal with this?
Cheers
5 comments
If you are feeling guilty about the way things ended I would suggest reaching out and getting clarity and apologizing if you feel like it’s needed.
That timeline has ended. You didn’t feel attracted to her anymore. Long distance. Can’t let guilt control you.
New timeline starts. She could’ve already been dating someone else for months.
You can’t control who you’re attracted to. Sometimes you fall out of love in relationships and that’s okay. It’s not your fault. Growth and change is a part of life. You need to forgive yourself for this.
Since she was the one who initiated the breakup, I’m guessing your ex would be happy for you that you’re moving on and trying to meet new people. Maybe it wouldn’t be the most comfortable feeling in the world for her seeing you out with a new person, I’m sure she ultimately wants you to be happy.
The first date after a breakup can always feel weird. You’re learning to be romantic with a new person when you spent a long time feeling that way for someone else. But you have to jump in some time.
Find one memory that annoys / frustrates you about her (maybe her breaking up with you) and hold onto it.
Bring it to mind when you feel guilty about dating.
The problem with being “on our heads” is that we don’t have counter arguments for unhelpful beliefs. We must conjure them up, and amplify them whenever an intrusive (and unwarranted) feeling gets in our way.
Wow, same here bud I’m 30m my girlfriend and I broke up in February. I have since went on 1 date with a girl I met on OKC. I know what you mean about the guilt my ex gf lived in Cali I’m in NYC. I would see her at least 3 times a month but we had to end it because she would constantly accuse me of cheating or lying to her when I was always faithful to her. I couldn’t take the arguments anymore it really wore me out. I just wanted to be happy with her. And I was considering moving out to California to be with her as soon as I could line up a job out there. Unfortunately it ended. I do miss her and I still love her. But I’m not sure how to even reach out to her anymore without getting cursed out. I enjoyed my date with the OKC woman but.not sure if it’s going to go anywhere since it’s me doing all the reaching out and making plans. Never hear from her if I don’t. Lol sorry for my long comment I to am going through this you are not alone brother. Hopefully we can come out stronger than before.