I (26M) met my wife (26F) met in university and instantly fell in love, got engaged in 6 month and married a year after that. I was so excited about our life together and so happy.
We also had a baby after 1.5 years.
Fast forward to now just over 3 years later I am just so frustrated. The main issue we have is lack of sexual intimacy. We both work and my work requires me to travel outside the city every week. So we get maybe 2 days per week together which is usually not on the weekends.
Because of this there is a very small window where we can get intimate but it just never seems to happen. I always initiate. I always ask.
I say ‘do you want to have sex today?’
Her reply is ‘sure we can do it today’
Now this statement may seem normal but why is it always we CAN do it today. Why not LETS do it? Its like there is no eagerness or excitement behind her reply. Its just bland and it extremely hurts me.
I used to try initiating spontaneously but after that got shut down most of the time, I asked her lets schedule beforehand so we both are prepared mentally and we make sure to be ready and not tire ourselves throughout the day. After all its just one day a week.
After scheduling, the rest of the day goes in remarks like ‘im so tired’ ‘i dont feel so good’. Just two days ago we had scheduled sex and at night we ate food. She had her food and went to get some more and I told her dont eat so much eat it later because I know after eating too much she will not have sex. But she did it anyway and later on when I asked, ‘she said ive eaten so much i have no energy now’.
All i could do was laugh at that point. She said im so sorry do you feel bad? How do i tell her that yes ofc i feel bad but if i say i feel bad then you will make me the bad guy and say how i am never satisfied.
I am just so frustrated and exhausted with this. I have voiced my concerns so many times. We have argued over this so much. According to her we have sex enough and she does so much more to ‘accomodate’ my needs. I started keeing track of how many times we have sex and its almost once a week on average.
Some might say thats enough but we are still in our 20s. We should be doing it alot more than once a week.
Even during sex, its just about how quickly I can be done with it so we can move on. I try so much to involve foreplay, i ask her what does she like, i ask her to do what i like. But there is almost no effort put into it. It feels like a chore every time we do it. Its gotten to the point where i dont even feel like having sex anymore.
We both work long hours. I have to travel so much every week. But even then I look forward to having our intimate time together. As for her, she is probably okay with not having sex for the rest of her life. She knows I am not satisfied and after we have an argument she promises to be better and put more efforts.
On my part I have done everything I can for her. Whatever comfort she required I provided for her. Always took stand for her in front of my family. Ive started grooming myself more, eating healthier, dressing nicely. I thought maybe she wasnt attracted to me so with making these changes she would be but still its the same.
I just dont know how to fix this situation anymore. I truly love her alot and we have a great time when it doesn’t involve any sexual activity but when it does, thats when everything goes completely downhill.
What can I do to make things better for us? Please do not mention divorce, im looking for something to make our marriage work.