This is the place to put any shower thoughts, your complaints/rants about dating, ask for quick advice, serious and (sometimes not) questions and anything else that might not warrant a post of its own.
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37 comments
wtf do you do when you date someone and everything is just going well (6 months)
i feel like there is something i should be doing better, but the person I am dating (who even said that she is very vocal about her needs or is very vocal about when people in a relationship need to address things) hasn’t really brought anything up
this is my first relationship like this, maybe when shit is going well it really is this easy
It’s always odd to get invited to the wedding of people you don’t know very well, especially when you’re not family.
A friend of mine invited me to his wedding in August, which is strange given that we’ve only hung out in a shared friend group. Though, I know he invited the entire group and i’m sure he was just trying to be nice/inclusive. I frankly don’t know him very well and would rather not have to travel across the country (which isn’t cheap) for a very awkward weekend. There would definitely be a lot of, “so how do you know (insert name here + fiancé’s name)?” with their families, whom my friend group or I have never met. For reference, we all met through a shared interest in a sport via Reddit many years ago – which would probably elicit a lot of weird looks.
Add into the mix that weddings, especially when single, are an absolutely miserable experience. All the ‘you’re next!’ And ‘why are you single?’ comments really add up. It’s basically emotional/sensory/people overload.
/end_rant
Decided to view things half glass full on no full body shot match and decided to meet up since early messaging vibes was good. Turned out other way. Live and learn i guess!
Hi! I don’t have many pictures of myself. I know I’m not attractive, but I still thought that it was a good idea to re-take some pictures and select the best of them for online dating profiles. Do you have feedback on them?
[https://photos.app.goo.gl/U7oiZRriZcLHZxpK6](https://photos.app.goo.gl/U7oiZRriZcLHZxpK6)
Any insight would be greatly appreciated. Thank you a lot for taking the time!
My bf of a few months brought up some stuff last time I saw him that made me realize / believe for the first time he really sees a future. It both pleasantly surprises me and terrifies me – he’s my first real relationship, and being fearful avoidant Ive vacillated btw fearing he doesnt like me enough and I dont like him enough, so I hadn’t really been thinking about this in the way he has (clearly). I’m going to have to journal and talk to my therapist haha.
But I’m also kind of giddy about it, if I’m honest with myself. So good sign? Life progress?
Wanted to share a story that hopefully you all can laugh at with me and shake your head at the ridiculousness of it all.
Someone I dated for about a month earlier this year decided he didn’t want anything serious because I tried to hold him accountable for blowing me off a couple times in a row without apologizing. Since ending it, he has reached out a couple times telling me he saw my OLD profile or asking me how my intentional dating is going and I’ve either not responded or just cut the conversation short without any follow up questions from me.
Cut to a couple weekends ago, he reaches out asking if we can talk. I ask what he wants to talk about. And he writes a very nice text (they always are) about how he thinks he made a mistake pushing away a sweet person who was just trying to get to know him because he wasn’t ready to accept that someone could actually like him. I reply that while I empathize with where he’s coming from, I’ve already accepted him not wanting to be with me and a talk will likely not change my mind. But he insists and that maybe it’s true he messed up his one shot with a “strong willed woman” (hah), but hopes that we can have a talk and go from there. So, fine. If he wants to be turned down again via phone call, I can take 5 minutes to do that, no skin off my back.
Guys.
The planning for this call takes a full 4 days because he would take 24 hours+ to reply every time I responded. He also apparently wanted to meet in person and suggested I could meet him in a neighborhood that would be ridiculously inconvenient for me to get to. I said no, let’s stick to the phone, just call me on X day before X time because I’ll be busy otherwise. He says OK!
And after all that, he doesn’t even call! No follow up text to explain. But you know what he does do is watch my IG stories that whole weekend.
Again, no skin off my back. If that’s how some people want to conduct themselves it’s not my problem to analyze and it only serves to validate my decision to move on months ago and not look back. But man, the shamelessness some people have.
Anyway, hope you found that as equally as ridiculous as me and my friends did.
I’ve got a date lined up for this weekend and I’m nervous. We started talking last week but I was away this past weekend and our work schedules don’t align. Waiting two weeks is a long time for me to wait to meet someone off a dating app so I just hope he doesn’t ghost
When someone says that they have never felt like this for someone else before, why is it so hard to believe them? 😅
What is the dealbreaker for you for someone who has a family history of a genetic disorders like huntington’s, or bi-polar disorder?
I met someone great, but they have a family history of something that can be passed genetically. I want kids but I’m unsure yet if i really want biological or if im fine with adoption.
I’m not sure if I’m missing something or this guy is dragging his feet? Today is 12 days that we’ve been messaging. Some days with one message and some with fair back and forth for a while. Earlier on it came up round about that he’s got some kinks but he was trying to say it without being weird about it. OK, because I inadvertently was asking bc I didn’t realize he was meaning kinks. I said ya I prefer to get to know someone a bit better before getting into that. Because guys tend to only want to talk about sex once it’s been talked about at all. But it was cool, and we shifted the conversation, all good. Cool.
Today we were talking about sleep because neither of us could fall asleep last night. I didn’t check it so we weren’t messaging last night. That drifts into some jokes, and some double entendre, and I thought it was fun and flirty without being explicit. I enjoyed it.
But that led into him apologizing for taking the conversation that direction. I explain that it was just a bit of fun and fine with me. He says ya but frustrating for him.
Ok…? And I’m a single h0rny bish…? It’s fun and frustrating at the same time but I’m trying to keep up the convo and get to know you.
Ugh I just don’t understand people. I’m enjoying chatting but it’s also pretty slow and I’m regularly the one bringing up topics or asking/prompting. Our back and forth being flirty today was really nice and fun and I wasn’t helping it along for his side.
I figured maybe he just isn’t great at keeping up the convo in messaging so I said hey would you want to do a call/video call sometime? He said “potentially I can be awkward” and then we talked about us both being awkward in different ways.
Is it me? He’s divorced but as I understood the separation has been 1.5 years with the divorce finalized more recently.
Confused 😶🌫️
I just got another text from the guy I met at the gas station. I ghosted because he’d go off on tangents and avoid making plans. He wants to do something “FOR SURE in August, k?” Apparently I’m just “so so cool” and he’s “so stoked to go adventures together”.
Turned the read receipts on *just for him* cause I’m so so cool like that.
A secueity guard I was talking to at work i found out was married. Never disclosed it. I straight up asked and stopped talking to him. He has praised me to his team and me.
That same week another guard gave me his number. I reached out and never heard back. He said he wasn’t getting involved (even though I was just talking to his coworker, nothing physical and we never went on a date)..Doesn’t know the other guard is married and that I immediately stopped talking to him.
My therapist is pissed for me because he gave me his number and is now acting cold when in reality I was the one hurt by this entire thing. The married guard and I are interacting better and we were really the ones affected by it. 😆 🤣 😂
Literally the last guy I kissed was my ex husband and these men tainting me. Yes I haven’t hooked up with anyone yet either, traumatizing marriage and divorce.
Random question I never really thought about until recently – when meeting a woman for a first date at say a bar, should the guy wait at the front of the bar until the woman arrives and then grab seats, or grab two seats and sit down while waiting for the woman?
Anyone here listen to Strangers on the Internet? it’s a dating podcast that’s hosted by two professors. I’m not a professor, but I found this podcast super relatable as a single person in my late 30s who prioritized my career over romantic relationships. I have listened to a couple of other dating podcasts, and I often find them stressful and sometimes depressing, but this one doesn’t feel that way so I wanted to share in case others are looking for good recs!
Had a first date with a total gentleman on Saturday. We had a lot of fun and it ended with a kiss! He wanted to see me again so he asked for a second date for Sunday! It was amazing. Then I asked to see him on Monday night and we did. I’m in love already lol.
Feeling very sad and lonely lately 🙁 I am not excited about anyone I’m chatting with in the apps and wonder if I should take a break for a bit. I really miss having a partner and wish I were working on making a family right now.
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Ive been on the apps for 2 days and I’m already tired.
Hey, I’m back!! Sorry I’m just having a moment rn, this guy has been super sweet to me we’ve only started talking 2 weeks ago maybe I’m not really sure but he already says things like: you’re so important to me and your happiness is what matters! Whatever you want to do, I’ll be there to support you. You have me, and I really want us to grow together,etc. The context is that I’ve been going through a difficult time, and I shared with him some things, we’ve met twice, and he kissed me the first time we met, which caught me off guard.. now he just said he’s going out of town and he never mentioned that before today and I just find it interesting how he says all this things but couldn’t tell me he was leaving or for how long? I know I would’ve mentioned it.. I also told him I deleted the app where we met because I wanted to focus on myself and that I wanted to get to know him too, he said he was gonna delete ot for me and I told him he didn’t have to but he insisted, of course I have no way of knowing if he in fact did. Am I being love bombed? Do you see any red flags I’m not seeing, or is all of this normal?
First post…ever so forgive any typos. I’m open to any feedback and will answer any questions.
I (36m) met this woman (30f) 7 months ago and she was my first healthy (or so I thought) relationship. We had some similarities and some differences but overall had pretty good communication, sex was good, we enjoyed occasional drinks, were both homebodies and enjoyed games and anime together.
I believe from recent research that I am an anxious attachment style and she is an avoidant of some kind. Anyways, we had wonderful times together but she broke up with me out of the blue.
We saw eachother regularly 2 or 3 times a week. I adored her, imperfections and all. She said I love you first one month in and while I didn’t understand quickly grew to love her. Her family loved me and so did her animals (of which she said they never liked anyone). It all seemed like a dream. The only major problems was she was fiercely independent, wanted lots of space away to herself but insisted she loved me. I tried to give her what she wanted and needed always. She promised to always communicate, always tries harder than anyone she knows to make relationships work and thought the world of me. We had talks of marriage, moving in together and marriage. I’m older, wanted only one person and kids which she loved and wanted too.
Fast forward to a month ago, her narcissistic and abusive step mother says her ex husband can move in with her. She didn’t want to but agreed. I was always told he is an even bigger narcissistic, master manipulator, and stalker (seriously) such as puts trackers in all the familys cars and destroyed them emotionally in the past and she even pulled a gun on him in the past.
He moves in. She says it’s because she likes handyman to help around the house and he is very rich. I wanted her to go with me to a special event that meant alot to me and she invited him to it. Within this month, he would give her thousands of dollars per week, pay her rent, and take her to fancy restaurants I couldn’t afford with just them two multiple times per week. Within this month, she has a change of heart about him and has allowed him to stay going forward.
After the event I got sick with covid, and in that same month she started not wanting to see me as much. She didn’t want to talk to me as much. She was telling me about all the fancy dinners he was taking her to, how he was fixing her house up and how great everything was. While I was sick and couldn’t even see her and communication suddenly degraded. Her family was getting upset with her for letting him stay going forward.
Then she stopped saying I love you and would make fun of me when I said it to her. When I asked her about it and said it hurt and didn’t know what was going on, she said she lost feelings for me a month ago. She said we had nothing in common, I was too mentally draining, no feelings and had a bad sex life.
I was shocked and didn’t understand. There was no communication about this or even allowed a chance for us to work on it together. I tried asking questions but she told me she didn’t have to answer and it’s not an interrogation. She seemed so cold suddenly, like I didn’t matter and casually discarded me with no contact and removed all traces of our relationship on fathers day. She didn’t do it in person or even gave me a phone call outside of when I asked what was happening. It all had to be over text.
I’m trying to grow from this to learn but just very confused and unsure of what even happened. I know at the end I was angry and that wasn’t right. But this seems weird.
Any advice to move forward? What may I have missed? Am I not seeing something that should be obvious?
My friend said I had to think about what she was getting from me in the relationship, and when her step dad moved in, she didn’t need anything from me anymore. Is that type of thing common?
How long do you keep trying until you just throw in the towel? The last 2 potential men I met both had things I found out about them, even though I was initially excited to get to know them in the beginning. The first one had a road rage incident where he pulled a gun on someone, and the second one had a girlfriend already of 7 months 😩 I’ve been trying to date with intention for over 3 years now, and I don’t know if it’s where I live, my age, the specifics I’m looking for or what….but damn it’s rough.
Back on the dating apps after a healthy hiatus. Now I have a question: why do the men I match with ask me questions only to not remember my answer and ask me again?
Example…. today my match, lets call him “Zach,” asked me if I was working from the office, to which I said I wasn’t, that I was working from home, and my manager told us we can be more flexible with the hybrid situation until summer is over. Only 3 hours later, Zach asked me what I was doing when I got home from work. Again, I told him I was wfh today.
What gives? I already met this man in real life and he asked me for a second date. We had a good first date which is why I am continuing conversation, but damn, this is annoying.
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Jesus Christ, dude — we’ve only JUST started chatting *today*, why are you apologizing for not replying under 2 hours?
I’m (39M) considering going back on the apps but I would like to get my pictures reviewed first, if you would like to give me your opinion on them, please comment or send me a message and I’ll send you the link in private.
I know this is not advice that is applicable for everyone depending on where you live and whether or not it’s something you see for yourself, but I do improv and it’s a great hobby to learn and also expose you to some great people.
Improv actually has a lot of therapeutic value, such as accepting mistakes without shaming yourself, and it’s great for practicing active listening. It’s also fun and can teach you to be quick on your feet.
Improv also tends to attract a lot of generally good people, in my experience. I actually recently made some really great friends via improv, and one of them said when he moved to my city 2 years ago he went and did a bunch of improv classes cuz he knew he’d meet fun people who’d make good friends and he was absolutely right. Not only that, there are a lot of cute singles who do improv 😏
Ofc, your mileage may vary, but if you’ve been thinking “I need to try something different” maybe it’s something to consider.
(33M) First date ended with touching and making out, but says she (41F) needs to determine what she wants out of this as she’s older.
I (33M) met up with this wonderful woman (41F) after a week of talking and flirting. She would usually message me first asking how my day is, etc.
We finally met for coffee and talked for a little over an hour. While she was talking about something personal, I ended up holding her hand with mine and feeling it with my fingers, and she was receptive, squeezing my hand back.
I walked her back to her car and I was really attracted to her, so I asked if I could kiss her. She said she didn’t mind at all, so we started making out for a good minute before I asked if she wanted to sit in my car to makeout for just a little longer. She said yeah.
Well, we got in my car and we made out some more. She voluntarily crawled over onto my lap and I was feeling her while making out. It got really heated and I started to suck on her nipples, licking her neck, then took off her pants and long story short she said she came while I was playing with her and giving her oral. No sex. I ate her out after in my car and then she said she’s never done anything like this before. I felt bad and said I was sorry, I couldn’t stop thinking about her all week. She was like I was really good with my fingers but felt bad that I didn’t cum. I told her I don’t need to, I just wanted her since I was attracted to her.
So after 30-40 minutes of that, I dropped her off at her car. She texted me when she got back home and said she would sleep well tonight because of what happened.
Next day, I texted her after work telling her I missed last night and hope to see her again. I do genuinely like her and want to know more about her, but I’m also attracted to her.
She texted me back and said she thought about me too, but had mixed emotions about what she wants out of this as she’s looking for something long term. I told her I understand and respect her decision, but enjoyed talking to her and everything. Also apologized for my actions. She said I had nothing to be sorry about and she enjoyed her time and had lots of fun, but she’s looking for something long-term. I just said I understand and we haven’t talked since.
We’re still friends on social media and haven’t removed each other off the dating app. She hasn’t reached out to me since so I assume she’s gone now.
I’m just wondering if she just wasn’t that into me and let me do whatever transpired for the sake of it, or if there was mutual attraction but she genuinely doesn’t want to talk because she thinks I’m only looking for fun. Even though I said before I’m looking for something long term too.
It’s just the making out and oral sex confused me because if she wasn’t into me, would that have happened? The making out and oral sex/fingering got me really confused with how she responded I guess.
Sounds like she just let me down easy but trying to see what went wrong, like was she not attracted or maybe something else? She also hasn’t deleted me off Instagram or the dating app after a week of not talking if that means anything.
Thanks for any insight. I don’t date much.
*** Edit: after I texted her the following day about how I enjoyed last night and couldn’t stop thinking of her, this is how she responded:
“Haha hey OP, how are you? I had a good day and I hope you did too. So glad tomorrow is Friday, can’t wait to get off work.
I thought about you today as well OP. Although I’m feeling a little bit of mixed emotions and I just need to think about how I’m feeling and what I want from this. I hope that’s okay with you”
So I said I was sorry for what happened and I’ll give her time, she said not to be sorry, she had lots of fun and a great time but needs to determine if there is “long term compatibility” since that is what she’s looking for.
I didn’t reply after that, thinking she just needed time to text me back.
Should I meet this girl? She has offered to meet at a coffee-place for 30 mins. She has set a specific, fixed day, time, duration. I find it silly, disrespectful?
We both are 30/31 years old, met at online dating, and both want a serious relationship. I asked her out earlier to which she said busy. And now, again for a dinner, to which she offered a coffee-place instead.
A woman invited me out to trivia and I had a really nice time but I’m not sure whether it was platonic or not.
My last ex on his profile said he was 5’10”. He wasn’t. We never addressed it. My boyfriend before him said he was 5’11.5″ due to scoliosis.
I knew dating the last guy it wasn’t true, just based on how much taller than me he was (I’m guessing he’s actually 5’7″ or 5’8″).
I’m not a size queen in any way, but I also don’t care for liars. That one guy and I broke up a few months ago, so I felt free to spend time with my ex while he was in the city. And considering how much he towered over me versus mr. “5’10″”, I’m calling sheninagings (sp).
And I wouldn’t care, but the previous guy’s profile popped up for me today on a dating app, and it still shows 5’10”. That man is not 5’10”.
So apparently 2 dates with me is like 9 because of “making him wait and all the texting – he’s taking it so slow he’s practically in reverse”. Well that’s 1 hurtful and 2- obviously your not a nice man sigh
Updating some photos on hinge and want some feedback on one. What do you all think?
https://imgur.com/a/0JvODoH
PS thank you to everybody who gave me feedback on regrowing the beard about a month ago, I definitely think it was the right choice.
I get to see him today! I’m taking the train to the city to meet him, and we’re gonna spend a few days together exploring. I’m so excited to cuddle him again.
His friend is gonna be in town this month, and he asked if he could introduce me to them. Feeling pretty nervous about meeting new people, but excited that he’s taking the relationship seriously and wants to integrate me into his life.
I am gonna die alone and have come terms with it (Ex gf is engaged, all my friends are planning babies)
Anyone else gets turned off by extremely successful men? I work in the tech startup industry and when I find out someone I just met is running a successful business and/or has done really well with investments I immediately become less joking-friendly (my default mode) and more into curious-work friendly. Maybe it comes from knowing a few friends that are ok as friends but would be heinous as life partners. There is a running tendency to be controlling, paranoia, judgmental (probably traits that make them good at analysing businesses and making money) and power imbalance because they can/will influence their partners to what they want. Also they inevitably end up working with their partners to some degree all of which gives me the ick. Also if you’ve ever seen the ending of an acrimonious relationship where one party is vastly wealthier than the other, it is a real shitshow. Basically one side can lawyer up and make life really difficult for the side that doesn’t have the funds to retain a lawyer on call
Attempted to make a post but don’t have enough comments here yet and I can’t copy and paste what I wrote :/ I was having a nice convo with a guy on FB dating that seemed to be going well enough, but then he either unmatched or deactivated his account by the next morning. There were no warning signs that he wanted to stop communication, and I can’t figure it out.
For those of you who grew up thinking that not taking up space and not being a burden meant safety… how have you learnt to take up space and ask for your needs to be met in adult romantic relationships? *Asking for a friend.*