We’ve been together for 12 years. Have a house and a dog together (we aren’t having kids). He is an amazing partner, and we get along and work so well together. For years I wasn’t thinking about marriage, we wanted to get the house sorted out etc. But now we have the house, are very settled, it seems time. He has mentioned it several times (way more than me!!) over the years he “can’t wait to marry me”, he’s “going to give me he last name”, and asked for my ring size and ring ideas. This has been mentioned multiple times over the past couple of years especially. All of which I have provided, multiple times.
We went for a weekend away a couple of months ago and I was SURE he was going to ask me, I actually had butterflies. But he didn’t, which made me realise I actually care that he hasn’t. So I brought it up one night after dinner, I wasn’t angry I just mentioned I was sure he was going to ask that weekend as he had been speaking about it in the months prior. Then all of a sudden he gets so upset out of nowhere and riddled with guilt, “I’ve ruined everything! I should have done it! I’m a bad boyfriend!”. This has happened a few times and then he takes no action. Now I feel like I can’t bring it up again, because it makes him upset, and also then I’m just forcing him into it.
After that conversation, he asked me to pick a ring, and he would organise a surprise destination holiday at the end of July for us to go away and get engaged. I know for a fact he has not done that or bought a ring.
I told him not to spend much on a ring, I am really not a flashy person, it’s more the sentiment, so I know money isn’t the issue (we are quite comfortable).
I don’t want to nag, but I guess I am hurt and tired of waiting, I don’t really want to get married at all anymore because I feel I’ve put pressure on?
And before someone says I could propose – he has explicitly said he does not want me to do that.
What do I do??
TLDR; partner has waited 12 years to propose but still hasn’t, is lovely in every way but it’s to starting to bug me as he has mentioned he wants to for years now and hasn’t. How to move forward?