I’ve been with my bf for almost two years now and he’s my everything. We’ve been friends for ~5 years and I love our relationship for the most part. We’ve lived together for about a year and Ive been stressed about money the entire time. I supported myself financially, completely all through college and our dating. My bf and I split dates and outings pretty evenly, with me spending more though realistically because I paid for all our trips. The week I accepted my full time offer about 8 months ago (I started that job a week or so later) we sat down and set a budget and savings goal to save for our future together. I knew with my new salary I had plenty to set aside and save for a wedding and house one day. He also made decent money and promised to start saving for our future. He seemed so excited to save for a wedding and a life with me.
After starting to work I set aside and saved my agreed upon amount. About three months into my job, my bf quit his job to pursue some online certifications and to swap jobs. No worries from me at first, he had a plan and a buddy to help him get his certifications. I also offered to help cover the bills for a minute while he situated himself in his new career. Well, he ended up being unemployed and not working towards his certs for over a month, and I paid for everything.
I sat down with him after that month, every week to discuss finances. Turns out he had saved 0 and needed me to pay for everything. I agreed, but urged him to find work and start doing his needed certifications.
After three months of him being unemployed and making 0, I told him he needed something to bring money in. I was dipping heavily into my savings to support us both. I’m upset because he told me he was ready to quit his job, but then later found out he had saved no money and really wasn’t in the place to quit and not have a job. Now he works part time, but still is so in debt and I keep having to send him money so he doesn’t overdraft. I’ve probably spent $5k in the past few months just on his bills and supporting him.
We had talked about getting engaged this fall and married late next year, but I know he’ll never have the money to buy a ring or help pay for wedding. I am so in love with him but am so emotionally drained from constant discussions about money that don’t seem to go anywhere. I need advice! I’ve tried to say no more money, but feel so bad because I’m committed to trying to help him out of the debt so we can live happy. I’m struggling though because it’s been about 5 months of him barely working and it feels like he’s not as committed as I am to saving and getting out of debt (his debt). Do i need to breakup? I think wanting someone financially stable isn’t unrealistic, but I also don’t want to be a snob and just expect him to have money because he doesn’t need to.
TLDR: My bf has been unemployed and i’ve been paying his bills and it’s draining me financially and emotionally. What do I do?