Hi, first time posting here. I need some advice on how to handle my situation.
I (M/32) got out of a relationship of three years about 2 months ago.
Last week we went at a weekend event with some co-workers and started flirting with a female co-worker that I always liked and that I know she is single now too. We eventually went to a night club and we started dancing, just the two of us among the others (things got heated even but I didn’t make a move because others were present), and the vibes were really positive throughout the weekend.
Another event was coming up this weekend. I started texting her the next day and persuaded her to come (I even found free hotel rooms at the last minute). The first two days of texting the vibes were positive, but the last couple of days not so much so I backed off a little, because I assumed I might have put pressure on her a bit.
So we are travelling to that weekend event and we make a 3 hour and a half road trip out of it with just the two of us in the car. I was trying to open up conversation topics, play games, whatever it took, during the whole trip but she was not responding that well, she was casually chatting and looking at the smartphone most of the time (which I know is the worst). She did respond to some teasing, but then again she was reverting to casual chatting. I felt l was holding the pace of the conversation the whole time, she didn’t try to contribute that much to it. It felt like a 3,5 hour date that you couldn’t walk out of.
So now that we are here at the event, she was again friendly but not that responsive to anything more, like she was a week before. The vibes are simply not there.
I am confused but I can accept that for whatever reason she doesn’t want something more or she changed her mind or I misinterpreted things in the first place.
The problem is that we are at this event among co-workers who hang out all the time together, going out and have fun and I can’t just relax and have a fun time. I started “ignoring” her way (except for casual chit chat), but I just can’t get over the fact that she doesn’t seem to want to be more flirty and close to me like she was a week ago. I also ache in the thought of her meeting or dancing with someone else in front of me like we did.
I feel confused, jealous, and I regress to my self and stopped having fun and be part of the group. I told them that I am just tired but the truth is, it really hurts to be around them now. All I want to do is to just stay at the hotel or take my car and drive away, which I would if I weren’t the drive back home for some of them.
Tonight, I told them that I’ll visit some rock bars alone as the club scene is not my thing and I’ll catch up with them later. I’m not sure I want to do that, I just feel the need to be alone for a while and drink and cheer myself up through that. If I go out with them tonight I think I’ll just be miserable.
My question is: how do I get over it and how can I feel comfortable and just hang around them all and have fun without feeling depressed?
4 comments
I think you put way too much pressure and moved things way too fast .
Pick out some cool restaurants or places you would like to go see. It’s not like depression is gonna get up and walk away. Try to make the best of your trip
This is why you don’t try and dip your pen in company ink. I would not date co-workers. I think you tried to go from 0 to 100 mph. I would not have had a first date be a trip with a long car ride.
>(I even found free hotel rooms at the last minute)
K, first of all, where you gettin free hotels?
>My question is: how do I get over it and how can I feel comfortable and just hang around them all and have fun without feeling depressed?
I would not recommend booze here. Alcohol is a depressant and while it’s the common trope of hittin a few back when you’re down to cheer up, it’s really kinda a bad coping mechanism. Is there an exercise room in your **FREE** hotel?
Sounds like your ego took a beating and now you’re feeling sorry for yourself and licking your wounds. We all know rejection hurts, especially the non-verbal kind. Being rejected through cold body language feels much worse than being rejected with words sometimes, especially if you’re forced to interact with her socially.
Take a deep breath, remind yourself that she does not owe you anything, and just remain civil and polite. Admit to yourself that you fell for a fantasy, and come back to reality. You’re allowed to have fun at the event too, with or without her. And remind yourself that you deserve someone who is 100% into you, not someone who’s hot and cold. Chin up.