This post might come off cliche but pls hear me out. I’m still relatively young (29). Single, have a well paying corporate job that I feel fed up with. Been struggling with depression for quite some time but in therapy weekly.
I have a pretty decent social life, live with a friend, travel etc. Basically the classic case of having a pretty good comfortable life all things considered.
But that comfort is a weird lull that is trapping me and I’ve been in a bit of a rut these last few years. I just struggle so much to feel purpose or feel true happiness.
I travel, I see friends, I have opportunity and good things on paper. None of it really leaves me fulfilled. Any efforts to be happy or live with healthy habits are short-lived.
It feels like no matter where I live or what I do, I return to feeling a bit lost and low. I suspect this is maybe a lot of depression, but at the same time a lot of things I enjoyed when younger no longer thrill me. It’s like I’m on a constant treadmill of searching for purpose and happiness while life and time is passing me by.
I used to have more drive, more dreams and enjoy working towards goals or achieving things but it feels meaningless now. Everyone around me is slowly settling down with marriage and kids and comfortably into their life. I feel like I’m constantly one foot in, one foot out resisting that traditional path and not committing to it, but simultaneously so settled into it I can’t see out of it.
Have any of you found light on the other side?
12 comments
A job is just that – how you get income. Don’t try to find meaning in it
I would revisit the things you enjoyed when younger. For me it was baseball. I ended up getting back to playing after not playing for 6 years. Played it for another 20 and am now immersed in fantasy baseball.
In terms of purpose it’s my kids and enjoying life. I know the 2nd one is kind of circular logic. I have a few hobbies I like and a few friends and that is enough to make me smile a few times a day. I will say it really helps if you have a friend that shares the same hobby and you engage in it together. First it keeps you in it, and second, it allows you to share the enjoyment.
We’re not built to find fulfillment by focusing solely on ourselves.
For example having a family with kids is incredible and will reward you in ways you never even imagined possible. It will also be the hardest thing you’ll ever do, by far. I wouldn’t trade it for anything.
You don’t *find* meaning, you *impose* it. YOU decide what is meaningful. It is a decision, and you must make it with boldness. If you get down the track a few years and realise that what you had decided was meaningful turns out to be, then you adjust, but hte important thing is to decide NOW.
This interview might help: https://youtu.be/XE0giQ4znNw
Its not cliche and perfectly valid. 30 for everyone is that milestone where people start to think about these things and reflecting on their decisions.
I will put it bluntly though- in my experience there is no light at the end of the tunnel, no magical moment or turning point that will flip everything around for you. Purpose comes from action and doing challenging things that bring fulfilment- and achievement of that success brings happiness. Id recommend reading The Myth of Sisyphus by Camus and Mans Search for Meaning by Victor Frankl to explain this better.
doesnt have to be a fancy task or a new hobby or something extremely hard to adopt and challenge, find something small that you feel will be appropriately challenging and go for it!
Have you considered doing something more challenging?
As an existentialist, nihilistic atheist educated combat veteran here…. I look for challenge to help me create micro-meaning… and just focus on enjoying those challenging things and elevating your state.
Stop comparing yourself to others for starters
“Well paying corporate job.”
There’s your answer. If you include my teens, I’ve been working over 50 years. I LOVE my current job, so plan to retire at 70, although I could easily do so now. In all those years, I spent less than 5 working for a corporation and they were the worst year’s of my life. Corporations kill your soul.
There’s no meaning in life besides what you decide to care about.
Find a career where you are actually contributing to society rather than taking from it.
I used to design high end residences in Las Vegas. My clients were incredibly wealthy. I made good money as a young man but found the job to be very hollow. I was only helping the rich get richer while wasting materials and resources. My job made me feel gross about how much waste I facilitated on each project.
In my mid-30s, I moved to a rural area in another state and started working in municipal government. I absolutely love my job now! The projects I design make the community better and improve accessibility for all citizens. I love the challenge of being a good steward of the tax payers’ money, coming up with creative ways to stretch each dollar. The inclusive playground I designed and built was way more fun to work on than any monster mansion I did back in Vegas.
It doesn’t get better. The years are flying by while I’m waiting for the end of the next chapter.