Hello everyone, sorry for the long text, but I would really appreciate your input I am feeling lost and demoralized.
The Context:
I (M 29) met my current wife (F 28) through my sister, we didn't ask about the family too much during the engagement, I visited back home and we did our engagement (Nikkah) but we never consummated the marriage with the understanding that this will happen after the wedding when she joins me in my current country of residence (UK).
we have been together for 6 months engaged for 3, we are each other's first love and I truly adore her she loves me very much as well (I think!!). during our relationship, we never had any major fights. but in the first dates, she did mention that she was short-tempered.
Before we met she went through a failed engagement, and the failure according to her was because of the mother-in-law, I brushed it off and didn't question her history too much since I thought she was vulnerable because of it. but it seems to have created some trauma for her.
On the day of the engagement ceremony, my MIL offended my mother but my FIL controlled the situation and it went alright after my wife apologised.
A month later when we were confirming our marriage in court another incident happened and she clashed with my mother over it, I staunchly defended my wife without knowing that she raised her voice against my parents. my mother got really sick but the issue was finally put to rest.
The Incedent:
This leads us to the events of this weekend, she was scheduled to go attend her embassy appointment for the visa, and because she lived far from the city she had to go sleep in my parents' house, from the start she was very hesitant, and isn't of going there in the morning I agreed for he to go there in the afternoon she was supposed to be there at early afternoon in time for a late lunch. she got late by around one hour and this is when things went south.
I sent her a text asking her very politely to "call my mother specifically, apologize for the delay and tell her she is on her way", she started making a fuss in the chat so I called her and she flipped on me in the street to the point that her brother had to take the phone from her, I did say one hurtful sentence (something to the effect that my parent's home isn't a hotel that you check-in and they had been preparing for you as an honoured guest since 2 am). anyhow the call ended and I was fuming but silent. This was the first time she ever raised her voice in my face and in the street of all places.
She goes into my parents' house all grumpy and angry, treats everyone with contempt (not verbally but through body language) and then starts complaining about my phone call to my father (who is a very calm and collected man like me). My mother overhears the story and then video-calls me immediately reprimands me in front of everyone for angering my wife when she is travelling in the morning and asks me to apologize to her, so I do it publicly in front of everyone and even start flirting with her to make her less angry. she keeps on the grumpy face and my mother then reacts asking her why don't you take the phone and go inside and talk to your husband privately. At this moment my wife flips and starts defending herself and why she was late and why no one should be annoyed by it, her voice is very high much higher than my mother's who is responding as well, and the whole thing turns into a shouting match, so I shout on both to stop since we have a trip in the morning but I am ignored.
After a couple of tries with me apologizing, my sister trying to smooth things out and finally, my mother going to kiss her head she stopped shouting but was still grumpy throughout the night and the morning, I apologise again during the night in text and in the morning in video not because I think I am wrong but because she has a long trip and I don't want her to be stressed. but she treats my family with staggering passive aggressiveness. She goes on the trip and it's all going well and I am constantly on video with her and trying to be happy for her just until she returns so we can discuss this alone but my face shows it.
The Next day:
after the trip and before she goes back home she decides to go visit my family. it seems she sensed my anger and tried to rectify things, she bought some goodies and asked me if it was alright for her to visit my family and give them the gifts before going home, with no talk of apologising or re-opening the issue again. I call home and sense the atmosphere to be not that great so I immediately text her to not visit my family, she doesn't see the text message. she tried to give a half-apology, but my mother refused to engage with her at the start she pressed it, so my mother refused her apology, and the thing turned into another shouting match and she left their house crying.
What to do next.
I have cancelled her visa application for the moment, I asked a single friend and they advised me to end it, my family share the same view. they said that this behaviour that happened during the engagement will happen again 10-fold during the marriage, I am ok with her being short-tempered but not for her to cross the boundary with my family. the opinion is that I still haven't been fully committed to this marriage and that breaking things off right now is the wise thing to do.