I've struggled to be normal and make + keep friends since childhood. I've self-reflected and can see why I've been disliked by others.
I was very negative, overly defensive,a constant complainer/trauma dumper, struggled with emotional regulations, and i was not very entertaining to hang out with.
I also just never understood how to be normal and socialize well; I spent a LOT of time as a kid indoors on my computer rather than with other kids, so I missed a lot of social skill learning when most people started to grasp social skills and cues.
I was also bullied, and I think that really messed me up. I'm a withdrawn adult, I struggle to communicate properly due to my awful social skills; I still suck at making friends and giving people a reason to stick around.
I've reflected and I can understand where I went wrong with others. I have taken accountability for my past and have worked on being less negative, being able to process my emotions better, and focusing on gratitude and journaling as a way to control my negativity.
I am more positive today than I used to be, which I consider progress.
I was told I am neurodivergent as well by my therapist, which I'm sure has played a role too in how I've struggled so much with social skills since I was a kid.
How do you cope with these feelings?