So when I first discovered the BDSM/kink community in my local area and started attending their munches, I experienced quite a culture shock. Much of the community, which mostly comprised of straight men have, at best, made me feel very alienated and isolated and at worst, were very passive aggressive or racist (this is just the surface of it btw) towards me. Most of these men gave me incel, conservative, or fetishizer vibes.
There were many times where I was flat out asked repeatedly why I decided to show up at a munch or was pressured to attend a play party. The officers excused most of this behavior, stating that them were "just socially unaware and being friendly". Ironically, as a cishet man, I found it WAY easier to talk to and connect with the few queer and female members.
Another thing is the amount of gatekeeping on how to do BDSM and kink 'correctly'. Initially, I was interested in exploring both the dominant and submissive roles sexually, so I thought I fit the label of a 'switch'. I was told point blank that that was not a thing and that I was either one or the other, but not both. They also told me that I wasn't being submissive or dominant correctly because I didn't share the same kinks as them.
Also, most questions I had about kink or the community in general was always met with "just figure it out on Fetlife". Honestly, it kind of felt like most of their ideas came straight from porn and Fetlife. Some even said explicitly that their kink was porn or some specific physical feature on a woman. The one thing that I did like about the BDSM classes and community was their emphasis on consent, negotiations, and safety.
So, I have to wander, are most BDSM/kink communities like this normally? Or is this particular community that I visited an outlier? I'm also starting to reevaluate if BDSM or kink is even right for me at all since I'm not really a fan of how prevalent the kinks based misogyny and blatant gender roles are in it (more power to those who are). Is this what it means to be into kink and BDSM? I'd love to hear about other people's thoughts and experiences with their own local BDSM community.
TL;DR – I had a negative overall experience with my local BDSM community. I don't know if I want to continue with exploring BDSM if most BDSM practitioners are normally like this. Insights appreciated.
Update – I want to make it abundantly clear that the point of the post isn't to criticize kinks, based in misogyny or some other taboo. I meant to criticize how the specific community that I visited functioned and acted. They just happened to be primarily into these specific kinds of kink. Also I'm aware that not all BDSM communities are the same, so assume that everything that I mention in this post applies only to the specific kink community that I visited.