From elementary through high school it was fairly easy for me to make friends. Some of my lifelong friends are people that I met in primary/secondary school. It wasn’t until I got to college when I began to struggle in that department. Don’t get me wrong, I have made quite a few friends/acquaintances. It’s just seemingly harder.
While in undergrad I worked multiple jobs and often left them quickly due to not being able to make connections with others. In each of these places I experienced the same issue. Co-workers talking behind my back and constantly throwing jabs at me. I typically stand up for myself, but it feels as though I lost my backbone along with my self-esteem since experiencing this. Even after college I’ve dealt with the same issue (including a virtual job that I had). Fast forward, I finally decide to enroll in a graduate program that I’ve been deferring since 2022. It was all going well at first, but all of a sudden it’s as though people try to avoid me, including the two women that I bonded with during orientation. Today solidified that there’s been some negative conversations about me as well. We were split into groups for a case study and a guy that I knew prior to this particular program asked my partner “is [my name] in a group with you?” I don’t understand why this would have been a question nor do I know what the inside joke could possibly be.
Moral of the story, I’ve been nice to everyone that I come across. I would describe my personality as down to earth and loyal. I am shy though and may have a bit of RBF but that has never stopped anyone from approaching me. I’m also extremely self-aware and I pick up on social cues often regardless of whether I say anything or not.
What do you guys think it could be? I’m so puzzled and it’s hindering me. I can’t go a day without wondering if there’s something that I’m doing wrong in these social settings. Any advice? I’m literally tearing up as I type this because I don’t understand where I’ve gone wrong.