I'm curious where everyone stands on this. My (M28) phone, tablet, and laptop are completely open to my GF (F39). I've let her know she is free to use any or all at any time and my permission to do so is always hers. She has reciprocated. We both found each other after being horribly betrayed in previous marriages. So, this is something we both felt like we needed. I don't know for sure if she has ever gone "snooping". If it can even be called that. I'm sure she has. But I hide nothing from the woman I love. A LOT of infidelity has been discovered on phones and other devices.
After a conversation with another couple, who found this weird, I was curious. Does anyone else do this? How does this work in your relationships past and present?
This is really more for personal electronics. If you have proprietary, company, or other confidential info on your device it would be a hard "no" on giving your partner free access.
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If I found out my friends were giving their partners access to our private messages, I’d no longer communicate with them. That’s a breach of MY privacy. So be sure you let your friends know so they can stop trusting you with anything they wouldn’t want to say to your partner.
Next, it’s a horrible idea from a security standpoint. I could quite literally be fired if I gave my partner access to my phone. I run apps that connect to my company network, email, etc. And let’s say you two get in a tiff—now she’s got access and could change your passwords and lock you out, access your finances, etc.
I dunno. I think it’s insane to share all of that. Just because you’re dating doesn’t mean all semblance of privacy for yourself and your friends should go out the window.
I’m serious about letting your friends know. I would be so pissed.
From the perspective of a married couple, I think its very normal to share devices. I would assume its normal for a dating couple in a solid relationship to have open access to the other’s devices.
Driving for instance, how is your partner who is co piloting, suppose to change the music to something she wants to listen to? Apparently we both want to listen to Taylor Swift…
My bf was snooping on mine in the middle of the night when i was asleep I would always wake up and find him. It made me upset because just tell me when I’m awake you want to look through it. We did have to stop this eventually because he became obsessed with it and I would find him nearly every night looking for something that was never there. I felt my privacy was invaded. So he can ask when I am awake and I’ll give it right away but not for no reason. It’s not my job to handle his anxiety from another relationship when i didnt do anything wrong. He’s working through it in therapy but his therapist agrees with me.
My wife and I don’t necessarily share phones, tablets or computers but we do know each other’s passwords on them.
Neither of us would have a problem if the other need to use one.
As for private conversation, Neither of us would snoop on a private text unless told to do so. Ie, “look what so and so just texted me”