I'm dating a guy exclusively and a few things have come up which are definitely red flags.. I'm having a hard time deciding what to do next. I think deep down I know but I need some reassurance and second opinions because I feel a deep connection with him.
Pros
– Talking to him is effortless and there's been a connection since we met. We've been incredibly open and shared deep conversations.
– We match on our values, ethics, and hobbies.
– He's put effort in and takes the lead with dates, etc.
– I don't feel worried about where things will go and know how he feels about me. It makes sense.
Cons
– He crossed my sexual boundaries and despite reaffirming them he crossed them again.
– The first time we slept together wasn't how I'd imagined it would be – he took control in a park and I just allowed it to happen. I spoke about this and he reassured me that we'd take things slowly in the bedroom and that he'd be gentle. This was the case the first time but after that he went from 1 to 10 with dominating me. I feel in the moment I could've said something but the dominance after reassurance made me feel like I'd lost my power.
– He told me that he isn't friends with anyone he's dated or slept with. I said that I was friends with one person who I'd gone on a couple of dates with and slept with once but that we're just friends now after both agreeing it would be better that way. He was upset by this and when I asked if he wanted me to stop talking to my friend he said that I shouldn't even have to ask.
– He spent a couple of hours being upset about the above point which made me feel guilty. When I apologised for sharing that he said I need to be more considerate of him and think before I share stuff as I was being toxic.
– I've witnessed him having to physically hold himself back from saying something mean to me – he says he normally lashes out in this way when he gets hurt but he's controlling himself as he doesn't want to hurt me.
I'm really torn about this because on one hand I feel like I'm losing out on an amazing and meaningful connection and relationship but on the other hand am uneasy to put myself in an intimate and vulnerable position with him again incase he doesn't listen. I just feel really sad about everything because if the weekend had been different I'd be in a completely different situation. He really sees me and I've noticed him melting when I geek out over stuff..