Hello everyone.
I’m honestly not really sure where to start and I feel that don’t really have anyone else to turn to. This might be a little all over the place but I would appreciate some insight.
Myself and this guy, John, have known of each other for a very long time through connections. We never really interacted much until maybe 3-4 years ago due to our age gap, but we started participating in similar activities and somewhere along the way, our feelings started growing for each other. I never voiced mine, but never in my life did I think John would confess his feelings for me. At that time, it felt like one of those Disney movie romances.
In terms of timeframe, he told me about his feelings right before my 22nd birthday in late October. John said he really just wanted to tell me how he felt, especially since I was leaving to study in another country in February. I told him I liked him back and agreed to start talking in a romantic sense as long as we took things slow. He agreed, saying that whatever pace I want to go, he’ll go with me. We went on a handful of dates before I left, and he even went to the airport plane viewing parking lot to see my plane take off.
At some point in February, John asked me to be his girlfriend. I told him that I wanted to wait until I got back from my semester abroad program. He is the first guy that I’ve ever talked to like this, and that combined with distance, I just didn’t know what to expect and was worried about what the distance would do. He said that it was fine and he’d wait for me.
We texted the entire time throughout my time abroad, face calling once a week. He was the person I went to when I was struggling to adjust at the beginning. I’ve cried to him about my hard times, he’s been there for my bad days despite our 15 hour time difference. He ended up even coming to see me towards the end of my time there, after asking if I was okay with him coming and I was. He allowed me my space to say good bye to friends, campus, etc. but I enjoyed our time together as I got to see him in a different environment.
John is a very sweet and considerate guy. He’s patient and always looks out for others, yet is in touch to his own emotions very well. These are qualities that drew me to him.
Fast forward, I have returned to my home country. I am still adjusting back to being back, and honestly it’s been a difficult time emotionally and mentally. That program and experience abroad was the best time of my life, and I’m still coming to terms with being back in my home country.
Now that I’m back also, I’m starting to face reality. I spent a lot of time abroad just enjoying my life and having fun, not worrying too much about the near future. But now I’m faced with the problem of what I want to do after I graduate this school year. I also not sure if I’m starting to overthink or looking too far ahead, but also starting to consider things like marriage and family and such.
I think I’m starting to realize that committing to a relationship scares me a little. I know deep down that being in a relationship doesn’t equal marriage, but I want to be intentional with my dating.
Also, it is extremely clear that John really likes me. That is not the biggest question here. It’s more of my own worries and anxieties talking to me. All of the what ifs of my future and me being unsure if I have the capacity for a relationship.
So comes my question, am I just overthinking this whole thing? Am I taking this too serious? Should I just go for it and see where it leads? My biggest fear is my anxiety stopping me from a good experience.
Sorry if anything is unclear. This is my first post and I’m still kind of processing emotions of being back in my home country.
Thank you all in advanced.