I (28F) have been in a relationship with "Tom" (45M) for 2 years. We split up for a few weeks about 4 months ago because he developed some very extreme views very quickly and suddenly. After a few weeks he came to me and we had a heart to heart where he seemingly realised that he hadn't formed his own opinions and it's just how he was raised so he will do better and the whole thing honestly felt so sincere. I put it down to an age difference thing. We have been back together for a while and nothing untoward has been said and things have been going great.
This evening a funny movie, barely relevant to the topic, got him talking about unplanned pregnancies. We both have children and don't plan to have any together now or ever. My pregnancy made me disabled and another could either paralyse or kill me. I felt like it was going to be a conversation where he goes off on one and gets stroppy about something that isn't even relevant to us so I asked him to change the topic because I can see we are going to disagree. He did not.
It was a long conversation where I could barely get a word in but in summary: 1- he believes that men are treated unfairly in every aspect of life. (Divorce, marriage, work, parenting etc) 2- women should need the mans permission to either keep or terminate a pregnancy. 3- A woman loses the right to make decisions about her body when she lets a man put a baby in her. 4- if a man wants an abortion its morally wrong that he cannot make the woman get one. 5- If a woman refuses an abortion the man should not be legally responsible for the children. He says "if a woman lets a man impregnate them then they are agreeing to give that man at least 50% control over her body."
There was honestly so much and I just felt more sick the more he spoke. I begged him to stop speaking because once he says things I can't unhear them but he just kept going! Every time I tried to speak he spoke over the top of me. If I tried to comment on anything he just repeated what he had originally said like a broken record. Over and over again. Getting louder and louder. He kept referring to his views as "we" like he truly believes that he speaks for all men. For example "we just get fucked over constantly by you lot. You decide you want a baby and WE have to pay for it!"
He ended up leaving my house early BUT he was actually angry at me which shocked me. As he left he huffed at me repeatedly and explained how disappointing it is that I can't respect his opinion. That I need to accept that no two people have the same opinions and I don't need to agree with his opinions but as his girlfriend I should listen and respect his views. I do kind of see where he is coming from and he does generally just brush it off when he disagrees with me whereas I kept trying to "prove him wrong". He can be very convincing and I have questioned my judgements in the relationship before so when are differing opinions too different to make it work? Is there a way to respectfully explain that I think everything he said is disgusting? How can I explain my viewpoint without coming across as disrespecting his opinions?
TLDR: My BF believes that men should have control over womens bodies when they get pregnant. I disagree. He thinks women of the world are ruining it for the men. He thinks I should be able to respect his differing opinion. I don't think I can. How do I communicate my point of view without disrespecting an opinion that really disgusts me?