Hi people of reddit, sorry for making it too long but I would appreciate your help! (I made some things bold if that helps)
I finally realized my problem. I'm skinny.
I'm barely 5.6' (170cm) and I'm 143lbs (65kg). What's interesting is that my dad has a large frame so I feel bad that I didn't reach my genetic potential like him. My guess is that as a child I neglected myself nutritionally and there's nothing I can do about it now.
I feel unappreciated. Here's an example:
A few days ago we had first-aid training at work, the tutor explained how to do CPR. He said, "to me (as a large guy) you would need to push 5-6cm, but to you (pointing directly at me), 1-2cm are enough". A few minutes later I left the room. On that day, I crossed the road with my female-colleague to the train station, some guy drove the road like crazy barely stopping for us! Then we waved to me angrily with a face that says "Move! Go on!". He would never do that to a bigger guy.
Being relatively short and skinny also means that people feel easier with invading your space and generally not respecting you.
This leads me to women and dating.
I remember that when I started dating after graduating, I had some "rizz" (as people call it nowadays) and confidence. I was wasn't a womanizer of course but I had a few relationships and I felt okay overall with my success with women.
The thing is, time flies, I grew up. I don't have a lot of likes and matches anymore. My dating profiles aren't the best if I have to be honest. I don't take a lot of pictures of me because I look tired (I work a lot in front of a computer and I'm quite addicted to my phone at this point).
As a short guy I just have less options than the average guy, it's just math. Together with the fact that I'm not getting younger and my bad dating profiles I cannot stand a chance the other men there.
The sad thing is that I feel detached. I read a lot of stories and posts on Facebook about dating and long-lasting relationships, and I'm like "God, I can't even pull off a decent date". I'm scared that even when I go on a date, I'll somehow mess it up because I'm just not used to dating anymore.
By the way, I do work out and at my pick I was 68kg. It's just that I cannot be a gym rat, it's not sustainable. Working out frequently is very demanding and time-consuming. You also need to eat appropriately and have enough sleep.
Frankly, I'm scared. I feel like if I had a serious relationship, I would be in a much better place in life because it would probably push me to be the best version of myself, whereas being single drags me down. At the same time, I don't want to date someone who has compromised for me, and I don't want to compromise for anyone either.