Context:
I'm a 22 y/o 6'1" bald man who exercises a lot. I also walk with my hands behind my back. I exercise because I weighed 330 pounds in my senior year of high school (236 now!), and I walk the way I do in order to correct my posture; I have a lot of back pain. I also went bald last year not of my own control, and had long hair prior.
Moreover, I have been diagnosed with ADHD, and I talk about things I'm especially interested in a LOT. On and on I can go about trains, machines, or gundam kits. I've been working on prioritising others' interests in conversation (as well as trying to limit how much I let myself go on tangents).
Nothing's working. I encounter tremendous difficulty when attempting to connect with women, because to them I come across as a potential threat. I completely understand and respect their caution, but I can't help feeling hurt by the stereotype I'm attributed with. I've even had someone come up to me assuming I'm a skinhead.
In reality, I'm a very different person. In addition to the nerdy things above, I also work for Big Brothers Big Sisters mentoring a preteen.
My question:
How can I/ do I need to change how I look in order to come off- at least- as a little less threatening? I feel awful for making others around me feel scared.